Feeling Worn down

I have this feeling of being worn down mentally.

I have done a pretty good job of keeping myself busy and entertained and feeling efficent and like I am making good use of my time while Kristopher is at training, until this week.

I don't know what it is, probably truly a combination of the follow, but I am normally so well balanced and able to handle that its not an issue....

I am hoping spewing it out here once will be enough to move forward without feeling like I am going to break down at any moment for some of cantered reason.

So here it goes, please just meet me at the next post (because I am going to just spew as I mentioned above, with no optomistic way of looking at it)

1. Why the hell can't there be an instruction book for spouses that live off post trying to get company sponsored appointments.... Seriously I know its not really the norm, but at the same time, there has got to be more then just me trying to figure this out... and I am an internet search queen... and I can't find what I am looking for.... I called around 15 people this morning and have spent nearly 8 hours looking online to find the information I need... with no clear answer that I have found what I need.....

I need to get a physical done, but I have to have the final paperwork signed off by a military doctor, and I can't find out what I need from my portland oregon doctor so that the military doctor (at ft lewis) will sign off on the paper, so that my husband can submit that (at ft lee), so that they MIGHT change his orders to read accompanied (to korea).

2. The amount of time they require you to submit this paper work in (because there is a no earlier, and a no later date) makes it feel like just not doing it, because after I figure out what the heck I am suppose to do (refer to item 1) they are going to take 2 weeks to tell me its wrong with little direction I am sure....

3. The thought that the military says no accompanied tour, thus leading to a whole new wild goose chase of information of going non-command sponsored.

4. Its nearly Christmas, and my husband is not here yet, so i'm trying to ignore that the majority of people are enjoying family and friends and decorating trees and lights and cookies and the whole 9 yards..

5. My parents are just now realizing I am really not going to be there for Christmas. We invited them months ago to look into coming up for Christmas... thats not helping with the fact my husband isn't here til the 22nd either. ( although I can not imagine the likelihood of this being exasperated if he wasn't coming home for Christmas)

6. My husband is busy... and not a phone person, and a man. So the whole me needing to have him ask me how I am doing, and then not really being able to melt down either (because he can't do anything truly from there to fix anything, and he's got much bigger fish to fry there right now, and he misses me a grip ton too - thus talking about it only really makes it worse, not better) is getting rough...

7. My husband needs my help with paper work - in the way of, "this is what I need you to do, your a smart girl, figure it out, I don't have the time right now and I need your help". No other directions, questions asking time, or information - thus me feeling like its something I should be able to figure out on my own, and when I can't.... like I should of been able to.

8. I want my roommate gone... I don't know if its just because of 1-6 or that she's kinda messy, or that I am just getting older and just wanting my own space now... but I have been 'pulling on my big girl pants' and handling it, and she will be moving out the first week of January anyways, but that can't come soon enough. I am done cleaning the kitchen every day, and the handles and railings, and making sure the freezer door and the front door are closed all the way, and just plain feeling like I am tip toeing around my own house.

9. I don't know where I will be in 4 months... not work wise, not husband wise (as in geographic location to), no house wise. I don't know where to start cleaning, packing, sorting...

10. I am a planner, and I can't freaking plan anything right now.

11. I just finally got to the point that I realize moving overseas is happening very very soon most likely (or at least a big move is happening) and think this may be adding to the stress level. Back in April/May it was a much farther away event.

11.... I feel like there is something I am missing....  maybe it's the trying to figure out how the military will work with moving us (being in Portland and Va with stuff in Wyoming), moving or storing 2 motorcycles, 2 trailers, 2 vehicles, and the rest of our stuff in the 1 month he has from being done in Va, to reporting to Korea....

but i think that is enough for now...

I promise I am really ok.... besides the above mentioned thoughts going through my head... I am really ok : )