Its snowing!

And I'm freezing. Can we say someone did not pack appropriately??? Yes... I think that is a fair statement. Although I think there is an end in sight. Officially an interview for the new job is on Monday, although I am a little intimidated I know that they want to hire me, its 2 hours! with an observation period as well... luckily I have someone with insight that can help me be prepared, if she has any words of advice.

Housing is still in the works, I almost signed on for an apartment but was having that small gut feeling that it wasn't just right. So the search goes on, I might check on a friend of a friends place, its right down town and would be nice to not be a complete stranger as a roommate too... I will keep you posted.

Still a bit stunned that I am really here, but enjoying every moment of it, I am in Portland and staying here : )

I'm here

I'm here, I made it on Friday. 7 1/2 hour drive, with some traffic in one spot, but no snow through all the passes.. which is great news, and amazing, considering the storm that is going through the entire west coast right now!

I took some pictures yesterday as I drove around (getting incredibly lost, let me tell you) and just went to find the cord to connect it to my computer... its not in the cord box... i know it is somewhere, it did get packed, but it is not in the cord box : ( so the pictures will have to wait...

It is beautiful though, fall colors still holding onto the trees, but there are calls for snow tonight and tomorrow.  I am not yet convinced I am staying here, but I mean, I am... I am now from Portland...  : ) I like the sound of that.

Sorry about my absences, and for lack of pictures, once I get a place to live (on the agenda for the week) and unpacked, I will get back to normal posts, and outfits (on that note, I am going to freeze for the next few months I think.. bring on the gloves and scarves!)

24 hours to lift off

The packing commenced last night, and I promise to update this post later this evening once I grab some pictures from Kimber, we had a goofy fun evening that was successful in packing up all of my stuff (there was more then I thought) and avoiding tears.. for the time being.

Many humorous events occurred around some sweet aviators, my yellow snowboarding helmet (that is most likely getting a paint job soon) knock off bump-its (provided at some point to myself by my mother, but really knock offs...seriously though) and some other whacky get ups that ensued with the packing process.

Last full day at work, morning breakfast with Plan It Green BOD crew this morning, that makes it bitter sweet, I am truly going to miss those "kids" (aka - big grown up successful enthusiastic movers and shakers of Humboldt green building).

 And a pretty big storm is coming through this weekend... ironic, or subtly appropriate?? (It also should be dumping about 6" of snow across the mountains in Oregon :)))))) The rain was pouring this morning, and as I woke up I realized I have packed my rain boots way under everything else...

Flip flops it is... such a so cal girl to my bones no matter how I fight it, its there, hoping over puddles in the rain that requires the second notch of windshield whipper action, Yup, that would be me...

Tomorrow will involving breakfast with the work crew, then closing out my hours for this week, turning in the keys, and going home, packing all the packed stuff in my Escape, strapping the bike to the back, skis and snowboard on top of Karen's car, and hitting the road... I should make a few mixed CD's tonight for the road, since I don't have a Ipod Radio adapter.... hmmm

Oregon bound by this time tomorrow, ekk!

Weekend wrap up

Breathing, it would be a very good thing... I was reminded this weekend, and continue to try and remind myself too.

I realized I am more stressed about this move then I think I am, when I totally forgot I put someone on hold, and didn't realize it til I texted them later saying I missed the exit off the freeway to my house (there are 3 exits in the whole town). She kindly, I am sure laughing, replied " and you never came back either :)" I think she got a kick out of it, because it was so not a Heather thing to do.

I haven't taken outfit pictures, because, well I have been stressing and trying to figure out what I need to do first, second, and third. I went to actually take some this morning, and my roommate had moved some plants around, and the plant stand I use as a tripod wasn't in the hallway anymore.. and I simply didn't have the time to figure out another solution for the moment.

In other news, I am still excited, potentially have a room worked out (going to meet up when I get in town next weekend) and am looking forward to so many things.

It is a mix between stressed and overwhelmed with excitement. Crazy what that can do to you..

I keep forgetting meals.. Heather, the girl that pretty much eats non-stop... forgot to eat any meal at all on Thursday... how does one really do that?!?!

I did accomplish ordering Christmas presents for my sisters though. I stumbled across Beyond the Rack and its super exciting, they switch out the deals every couple days, and its always a variety of things, shoes, clothes, jewelry, trips, kitchen stuff, etc. I got a $10 credit just for signing up too! Check it out, some of it is still out of my price range but there are some good things to be had as well.

I also received back an email from the Tri-Delta Alumnae Chapter in Portland, sooo excited!!! More people to connect with, and a major reason that Tri-Delta continues to be a part of its members lives, and its always good to have some girlfriends to grab a drink with, and get to know, and get tips from about the City. Very excited....

So I have accomplished some, just not the cleaning out the car, trying to get the rest of my online classes squared away before I move (I think I am just going to be doing them up there too, its fine, they are online for a reason), and oh yeah, Pack?!?!?

I hope you have a wonderful week, and really, I am doing ok, I just need to remember to eat when normal people do and I think I will be fine.

I am moving to Portland!!!!!!

Wow... I said it. I am moving to Portland!!!!!!

 With the job nearly secured I have put in my resignation here, and started sorting through and organizing things last night in my room. I have begun to look at possible housing options, even though I am still a bit in shell shock that it is actually happening and that it is actually going to work.

It is not as scary and nerve wracking as trying to go to the Bay, its affordable, I will be able to find a place in my price range there, I will be able to move out on my own, revert back to being a 24 year old (I joke around that i went from 22 to about 35 when I moved up here). I will have my own stuff, my own kitchen, my own BED, my own space (all which will have to actually be found and placed, but thats alot of the fun!). I will be in a City, with lots and lots of people, with lots to do, lots of trails to run, maybe even bike, and with mountains to ride on close by...

I am not excited at all, I am sure you can tell!

I apologize for the absence of outfit photes, but I have been too overwhelmed to sleep before I put in my resignation, and then too tired to take pictures yesterday, as I needed to recover on the sleep...

Its happening, there seems to be signs of better things coming my way. Living on my own, without so much (graciously accepted and appreciated) assistance. And being freakin estatic about the place I live...

*sigh... so happy

That feeling, that something is right...

Apparently the good vibes I was feeling on Monday should have egged me on to something bigger possibly happening this week....

So yes, it really is 2 am, and yes I really am up, and plan to be at work no later than 8 tomorrow morning. Why must you ask. Because, you see, Heather is making a jump, things might get a little bit messy, but in the cleanest safest way possible.

Folks, it looks like H Phi (that would be myself) is moving out of Humboldt County. Now I am sure I will post later tonight (at a reasonable hour) or tomorrow about confirming this, but I have received communication that I should start looking for a place to live, and that they would want me there before the beginning of December.

Ok, I'll cut to the cold hard facts and stop dragging this out. 

My friend Jade that I stayed with when I was up for the 1/2 marathon works for a center that works with children with behavioral issues (I am sure I will find out some politically correct term to use). She is moving up in the world there, and her spot will be open... she would/will be my supervisor... recommended I apply. This was around 11 am today (yesterday?), by 2:30 I was in my car talking to my mother for confirmation in my thought process of said situation, which bless my mother,  considering I asked her what she was doing when she picked up and the reply consisted of "getting to the end of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride!"... She was at disneyland and handled her 24 year old daughters freak out session quite well. 

With the mother clearance I asked Jade the next steps, most of the paperwork is in at this point. I know it will be challenging work, testing at times. But honestly I am looking for that, I think it will probably hit me like a ton of bricks at some point, a what where you thinking, moment. 

But its a job that pays enough, with enough hours to make it work (this was the numero uno reason I have not left yet) , it will get me to a City and out of a Rural community (numero uno goal) where I am only just now sorta starting to become accepted as a whole. It will make my overall happiness level of place go up (priceless really). 

It puts me in the center of a City that is one of the top, if not the top City as far as land use and planning and sustainable communities goes... Even leaving my "career field" for something new, there will be plenty of ways for me to get involved and stay involved with Planning in that City. I also sorta think maybe its what I need from Planning. I need to step back, and be able to volunteer, find niches of the community and planning, and get to know oregon and portland without the pressure of an extreme learning curve just to keep up in a planning job. 

And as I promised my mother months ago, if I didn't move closer enough to home to drive and visit, I would move to a City that had a major airport... I think Portland fits that bill.

I think this might be just what the doctor ordered, or had planned. I just didnt know it yet.

I am not saying the words yet, the ones that mean i really am.... you know.... to you know.....

I will save that for tomorrow or the next day, when something more happens. I am afraid even talking about this this much will make it disappear and not be real... even though I am pretty sure this is Real Life. : ) 

And I am slightly terrified, but then I calm down for a second and think about actually doing it, and I start to smile, that is why I know its right, because although scary and terrifying in ways.

I just know, I have that feeling.

That for once, it is all leading somewhere I can see, and the marine layer moved away long enough to read it out... its not perfect, its not a fairy tale though either, its real life... ok, I still don't feel like its real life, but in about 5 1/2 hours its going to be real life for sure!

(and yes I am moving to a City based off of people telling me they think I would like it, and my only real experiences in the City consisting of drinking too many Jameson shots with college friends, being overly forward with a very respectful boy after said shots, and 2 days later running 13.1 miles in dumping cold rain, still excessively hungover, including 4 miles up Barbur St... it can't get any worse then that right?!?)

I am excited, I think more excited then I have been in a long long while.

And this is what I kept reminding myself..... and will continue on the bad days, the rough days...

"This is an important lesson to remember when you’re having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year. Things will change: you won’t feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most. I believe you can’t feel real joy unless you know what it means to fail. You can’t know what it’s like to feel holy until you know what it’s like to feel really fucking evil. And you can’t be birthed again until you’ve died."

– Kelly Cutrone

(stole the quote from Free Honey, but soo what I needed to see today and share with you)

Hope you all have a lovely week, and if not, read that quote again.... : )

It got me....

How was your weekend? I was busy out helping friends all weekend at their house, but it was a pleasant time, lots of good laughs, even while helping them get some weeding done, enjoyed some of the short lived warmth the sun brought in.

I think I have been going through blogger/Esty shops too much lately, I was out at my favorite consignment shop this weekend, and they have the $1, $2, $3 rack I almost always start at. This rack is typically some questionable items, a few wondrous finds, and normally many pairs of pants that are not sized correctly (sooo many I wish would fit, we are talking 80-100 pair of jeans, with the tags still on, labeled like a 8, fit probably a 2). Every so often I come across a steal of a find.

Orginally I was not stoked on this jacket, but I had to buy it, which is weird since normally I get something on and its a yes or no, pretty quick process. This jacket was different, it is something I could totally see someone else wearing, but that I had to buy, I couldn't just let anyone take it.

Have you had this ever happen?

I figured it could be a perfect "because I love you and you will love this piece like it deserves to be" gift. Or maybe it would be in my closet for awhile, and I will grow to love it and keep it, haha. always a good option.

Anyhow, I put it on this morning to take pictures for you guys, really that was it, just so I could show you it. It already had a place in the back of the closet picked out, where it wouldn't get it the way, but would stay nicely kept. ( I also realize now, that these pants are also from that same 1,2,3 dollar rack, such a great find : ) )

jacket - ClipperMist via consignment

pants - Gap via consignment

tank - target

I think its wearing on me, I left the house in it.. its here at work with me.

My dad would die if he knew. It is what he is getting me while he is over seas for Christmas. Although I told him black, and a different style, I totally told him to stay away from the style this one is in... and here I am, enjoying a $3 leather jacket that was everything I didn't want, such a typical Heather move.

Oh, and I bought my very first item off Etsy this morning! I will share when it comes in for sure, I am thinking holiday partywear, it is a very "Heather" item though, so I don't think you will be shocked.

Anyhow go check out Christina's blog SecondSkin and her Etsy shop, that's where I got the item, and she is rocking the listings lately, throwing lots of goodies (clothes, purses, shoes, accessories, etc)  up there on a regular bases, and her blog just pretty much makes my day  : )

Hope you kids have a great week, I am feeling good vibes this Monday, so hopefully you get some too!

Swap Top

A little late today, but this day light savings thing needs to kick in, I am such a slacker in the morning right now! Only a few more days right???

Anyhow, here is another swap item, I think its suppose to be a dress, but since its getting cooler around these parts, I am trying to find ways to wear these spring/summer dresses the rest of the year. I haven't come up with too much of a variation off of other outfits, but when something isn't broke, don't try to fix it, right??

Oh, and I need your help, I am going to Portland for thanksgiving, a WHOLE week actually! And I want to go thrifting, now I know there are a billion gazillion vintage shops, and as much as I would love to actually shop there, window shopping is all I would be able to afford there. I want the good thrift shops to hit up, so if you live in Portland, or know someone that does, or just went yourself... give me the details, I am going to have 2 whole days on my own to explore, so if there are things non-related to clothes (aka just cool places one must see or eat at, or drink at, etc) hand over the goods so that I can maximize my enjoyment... and possibly fall in love with another City. 

dress- clothing swap

belt- Target

leggings - Target

boots - American Eagle

The reason I am going to Portland for Thanksgiving is quite the interesting conversation as well, and being that I have decided to just use this blog space for what I want, I will share (lucky you ;) )

When I was up there this last time, for the 1/2 marathon from hell hosted in part by the rain gods (assisted with a self inflicted  day and a half hangover) I met a boy that was a friend of the friends I was staying with. Long story short, he was a nice boy that gave me a peck and my intoxicated irish self reciprocated with more then just a peck... only drunk irish Heather would ever be that forward, btw. Anyways, Boy has since been very interested in seeing me again, and after a few debates of him coming down here vs. me go up there, I will be going up there for the week of Thanksgiving. Nerve wracking? A little. Somewhat exciting? Yes. A long time since I have had a boy talking about what he is going to cook me for Thanksgiving? I don't think thats ever happened. Time for Heather to just let something be what it is, enjoy it and not over think or over plan it? Very much so. 

Yes it is technically a big holiday, but I am trying to play down that part, both of us are too far away from family to go home for the occasion. It is, if nothing else, an excuse to see Portland and hang out with someone that is very excited to show me the City. Who knows what will happen, as you heard my relationship spheal extensively, already last month. But I am going to play this trip like so, I am going to Portland, have a boy stoked to host me for the week, show me the City, go play in the snow at Mt Hood!!!!!!, and just over all relax away from Arcata. If that much occurs I will be content and will consider it a great trip. I think that is possible.... 

oh! and if I come back with some sweet finds from the thrifting, etc.... so send any suggestions over!!!

A hazy shade of winter

Well its November, and actually there is blue sky out this morning. Its def. hazy what season we are in, time change will happen next week, and I can never decide how I feel about it. When I lived in Arizona, its one of those few places that doesn't fall back or spring forward. There it worked, but sometimes I wish we could just leave it be here. Grant it, I would never get out of bed then, because my house is the darkest thing next to a cave. But losing the day light hours in the evening is what really kills me. Oh well, guess I don't really have a choice in the matter. What would you do if you could pick?

Here is the debut of the other coat in my closet, its a creamy white color. shorter sleeves, which is a little odd in a coat, but I like it. and with higher boots and my thick socks, I am plenty warm. The jacket is a bit snug in the shoulders, but they didn't have the medium, and so I figured I could do the small, I do have a very tiny shoulder width.

Did I mention I am in love with these boots?

Jacket - Tulle

Dress - Daisy Fuentes via Kohls

Boots- American Eagle

It is Monday, and I have little to say other then I wasted away my Sunday Halloween (although I did get out on that run with Kristen, sorry, photos didn't get snapped, too much to chat about and get caught up on) which is always a nice way to finish a weekend, watched the finale of Project Runway finally, glad to see a variety of finalist showing at fashion week, but honestly none of them struck me as oh man, they should win. All collections seemed to be cohesive, and none of them seemed too whacked out, but I wasn't wowed like previous seasons. That being said, there are items I would wear out of each one, so I guess that's a good thing? What is your opinion? Did the right person win? Where you wow-ed?

227.79...

that is the amount I need to buy everything on my wish list on Itunes right now... hmmm Christmas presents??

Dress- thrifted 

leggings - target 

boots - American Eagle 

sweater - Elle via Kohls

I doubt I will get Itune gift cards, but it sure would be swell to have all that music on my Ipod, I bet I would listen to it more often, considering right now I only really use it for running... Anyways, I felt like sharing that bit of information with you.

How was your halloween? Any crazy stories or run ins? See any steller costumes out there?

Like I may have mentioned last week I am officially in my off season of running, if there is such a thing. No scheduled races from here until April, weird... although there is plenty else to do other then run (ski, snowboard, drink lots of hot chocolate, thrift and sew for example).

I am not a big fan of gym membership,because really you can do anything you can do at a gym at home for far less dinero. However, separating relaxing home from work out location provides some regiment I suppose.

Currently I am considering buying into a hot yoga (Bikram) membership, I went again after work on Friday and think it would be good for me, my muscles, my running, and for body warmth in the cold wet months to make it a few times a week... iI was hell, I mean, it was a good work and all,  but still HELL.

It does kick in after doing a whole class that it was a really good workout, and the benifits you can feel for days to follow, but still.... sucks some days.

Call me sick, distorted, finding an odd sense of enjoyment of putting myself in a hot box and having dripping sweat come off of me, I see how it could be weird, and most people wouldn't enjoy it, but there is that select group, just like the group that enjoys running 13 or 26 or more miles that only feel accomplished when they can not go any farther and are begging for mercy that the 90 minute class end in the next 30 seconds or they might just keel over, yes, that would be me.

It is possibly that Bikram Yoga is only thing other then running that I have found that leaves me feeling like I really worked hard and pushed my body. It is a totally different type of workout then running, probably a good thing for me, balancing my body, cleansing me through and through, and teaching me to freakin' relax. Because heaven knows I still need lessons to learn to relax... there is another Hot Yoga studio in town, I might check it out to see if I like that one better.
Anyhow, weather or not you feel me on the exercise thing, you will have to agree with me that the following clip never gets old, I forgot about it, but recently Paige over at Barefoot & Vintage posted it, and man, it still makes you laugh and love it, so here's  it to brighten your day and making you smile...

                    

"Bow-wo-chica-wow-wow"

More fun outfit posts tomorrow...

Happy Halloween!!!

So I jumped the gun and we went out last night, I pulled off making red riding hoods cape yesterday. Which is lined in fleece and was the most excellent idea of a windy evening that had chances of rain...

I did ditch the basket for my brown purse, since logistically I have done the box shaped costumes, the accessory costumes and they just get in the way...  I am pretty happy with my hood, a little assistance in the gathering around the neck, and it was done in a few hours (a few interruptions of mother phone calls about bridesmaid dresses for my sisters wedding occurred).

After a day full of helping a friend out weeding and yard work I rushed home, showered and changed and met up with these two... who also had exciting costumes made by Kristen herself... I was soo happy when I got word they would be back in town for halloween!!!! and as a huge fan of home made costumes, I loved it. Although honestly I couldn't take anything Tyler said seriously with his costume on... 

This girl is great, and we had a silly fun time bouncing between the few dive bars in Arcata and grabbing a late night doughnut (seriously the best doughnuts in the world... no joke, although they might be laced with crack...) I was so glad to have her in town. 

Now, last year I was unaware of how big of a deal halloween is here in Humboldt County. For reference, any themed party I went to was, well, lacking in the creative and costume portion. Which for a girl that loves dress up, was highly disappointing and disheartening. Assuming that halloween was the same I threw together a Raver costume (courtesy  of living with some extreme ravers for a year in college I knew all the details) headed down to the plaza... boy was I wrong, apparently everyone saves all their creative juices for halloween... so this year at least making a red riding hood cape I was putting some effort in. Although I was shocked the plaza wasn't crawling with the -21 crowd like last year, I think the entire police department was camped out. Maybe people will go out tonight. Either way, in the bars there was some great costumes, here are a few pictures document the evening...

did you go out? any winning costume sightings? 

First winner of the night, 2 girls dressed up as hunters in the jungle or something, this on their jackets...

L-O-V-E - ed it... 

Next there was a few animal costumes, but this one, was, no pun intended (ok maybe a lil) a head above the rest ; ).

Home made giraffe that had some interest techniques for getting through doorways... and was pretty comical to watch in the black and white tv that showed the out back area, between the lawn gnome and the giraffe it was hysterical.

We ended up hanging out with a fe other people through out the night, but heres is a brief overview of the debaucher that unfolded as the intoxication went up....

Oh and Wall-E and Ava got a shot of Jameson from the one bartender, Seth, who was so stoked and giggling at how awesome Wall-E was... (he was a large mexican bartender, who reminds me of my friend Jose so much, both bartenders, both LA/Hollywood-esk and just funny good guys)

Wheels started to fall off...

We started to get sticker-ed up without knowing!

Then the wheels just down right fell off....

After navigating an unbalanced Wall-E turning in circles thanks to only having one wheel, we navigated to doughnuts, water, sat on the plaza to people watch for a few seconds til we froze, and then headed to our cars and home to warm beds, an excellent halloween if I do say so myself...

Now I just get off to run 6 miles with Ms. Kristen herself, I am thinking of showing up as an 80's workout chick, just in the spirit of halloween, I will take pictures if I get a chance...  Did I mention I like dressing up??

Here comes the rain again

Its happened, I know I brought out the red coat a week or so back, but fall/winter is here and alive. The pacific storms are rolling in and promises of snow dance in my head.. but for now... the rain is coming...

Its fridged, and dark, and the time needs to change, b/c I am getting that mood adjustment that comes with the rain, mostly in the mornings, b/c once I get out of that warm abode I can move forward. Once I manage to lift myself from the warmth, I proceed to stand in front of my closet and stare, I am taking dead stare... there is nothing in there that I want to wear, even the staple go to outfits don't do it, the ones I always get compliments on, that just work, yeah, even those don't cut it. Thankful (for once, remember it, because it might not be mentioned ever again) my job is pretty relaxed dress code wise, and jeans are at least on one, if not the majority of people, on a daily basis. Today was one of those jeans and a t-shirt days, basic, classic, comfortable.

I haven't worn this sweater vest since probably last winter, and I figured it would be great, I actually missed grabbing one at the clothing swap that was in a sea foam color, someone nabbed it before I saw it... oh well, I like my navy one.

Its sorta a circle vest, a little funky, kind of unique, subtle and is all this outfit has going for it. Sorry for the non-exciting outfits, but it is what it is, I am sure once I get comfortable with the chill in the air, I will start to rework winter clothes to make cute outfits, just need a few more days to get settled. Oh, but I guess an exciting bit is that these jeans are from the swap, and although not hot or doing much for my body, they are the kind of jeans you put on because they just fit and you are stoked they are comfortable, and they got to my closet that way... feels like I have had them for years...

t-shirt - target

sweater - thrift

jeans - clothing swap

penny loafers - target

I am trying hard to conquer winter/rain wear, but I have spent the majority of my life since I was responsible for my clothing choices in warm or temperate locations, so this whole rain, cold thing, is fairly new and somewhat daunting. There is no really cute over warmth, its got to be warm, and then cute can possibly follow. Other bloggers do it that live in far colder and brutal weather, so I will just have to stay in tune and see how they do it... I do own a few pair of boots, and only one pair of flip flops now, so I must be getting adjusted.

In other news, I am in my off season for running, and thank goodness, considering the weather (I am a baby when it comes to water, I'll admit it). It is leaving me toying with how to tackle working out and staying in shape during this time other then trips to mountains, which at this point seem to be spreading far and wide, between Bachelor, Tahoe, and possibly Mammoth, I am excited. Maybe I should go back to bikram yoga for a few months, that's always a good tough workout and would probably do wonders for next running season, and I would get my dose of warmth in too...


any other ideas? What do you do when the rain scares you away from the outdoor activities?

shpeal III - wrapping up

Alright, after some thought and calming texts and conversation from a few friends that have the crazies in their heads like mine.. the ones I don't have to explain it to, just get it, and thus listen and tell me to calm down, breathe, and stop over planning and over thinking, I can say its not going away (all those thoughts and wonders and worries) but that I am not alone, its a growing process, and I have just got to take one step in front of the other, I can still guard the heart, but what is the shame in trying and seeing, but making sure I am first, and making sure, unlike my past relationships, make sure I am not the only one invested.

Sound good advice, sounds like something I would tell them... hmmm, yeah, that sounds about right too. Thats what good friends are for, to tell you what you already know.

I know relationship are tough, and successful ones are coming farther between in society today, but there is no reason to not let someone come see where I live and get to know them. You meet all people for a reason, some are there to give you the advice you know, some are there for you to give advice to, some are there to bring you up when you are down, some are just there to make you smile and keep you company along this journey of life...

I can not let what happen to me before stop something from happening again in the future, I will never have all the control, nor do I want it, but I need to be willing to be comfortable with having some control too, not wanting to give it all to someone else. I know this won't be the last time I freak out and babble on about this, although I will probably leave it out of the blog-land.

Man you would think I would know all this before I was 24 1/2... of course when I re-read it, I did know all of that, but for some reason knowing things and applying them are completely different and totally independent sometimes. 

Hopefully this has not been a daunting conversation for you, and if it has, well I apologize, I will get back to outfits shortly and boy are there some exciting pieces to be shown! I still haven't shown you anything from clothing swap have I??! most of it hasn't been new trendy fashion-y, more comfy warm things for impeding winter weather, but I will share again, promise! And I really need to get on this Halloween costume thing.. sinces its in like 2 days!

What are you planning to be dressed up as?

I need ideas as it is a pretty big deal in Arcata... if you are down south, its like Santa Barbara but in town square instead of down a road.. gets a little crazy, but killer costumes!

Heathers relationship shpeal Part II

If you are still at all interested in my relationship-life, or lack there of... this is Part II of the shpeal...

Another point I have leaned on while being in Arcata and single and not particularly looking here, is that I am not happy with where I am at geographically, so I do not see the point in trying to find or start a relationship in a place I am not happy in solo, and starting a relationship in a place I do not want to be, does not seem to be a great plan to me, to dependent for my own happiness on a relationship,

Is this logical?

Also, after the last long distance disaster, I have been very very hesitant to even think of doing anything long distance, especially with no determination of what I want to do and where I want to go.

I have been so unsettled geographically, that I just decided when I moved up here that temporarily love would just been on the back burner. I have wonderful people around me that have supported me and be ever encouraging that I am doing the right thing being where I am now (career and life wise).

But lets get real, I am in my mid twenties (wow, mid twenties, damn it I don't know when I got old), single, and told by many of my friends, a great person that, if they where a guy, or a lesbian, would date and marry me in a heartbeat... unfortunately that isn't even remotely realistic.

So really being located in a place that lacks in the remotely good looking, motivated, and determined men category (yes, I am executing a broad generalization knowingly, and you can't fight me on it until you come see for yourself).

Feel free to skip the next italicized part if you know my struggle with work here, otherwise it might be some little insight help...

I am here in Arcata for work experience, I am further my resume to get to a place I want to be in life, and considering the economic state of the state, and country, I am thankful for work in the field straight out of college and have no room to bitch and complain about (although I do). I am not here because this is where I really wanted to be post college, its because I am biting the bullet and getting down and dirty for the betterment of myself... or something like that, it is what I remind myself almost daily. I know I need to set an end date, and honestly I feel like the "safe date" to pick is my birthday, for so many reasons (other then weather) it make sense. I want it to be sooner, but it scares me, anything sooner seems too soon, although I am just extending the stay through miserable weather by doing that... enough about my professional life interrupting my relationship life, although a key detail, not an excuse, back to the story of my terrified-ness.

That being said, that is a very very long time to go, in your prime, without really dating or trying and learning from relationships (roughly 2 years). I know this, and I am not one to just be in a relationship to be in one, I really am fine alone, I know I can do it, I have done it a lot. I have had minor success at being friendly and flirtatious once I have a drink or two in me, and honestly the only kissing I have done in the 2 years of anyone, has involved more then a drink or two... which hey, happens, I know that, but to be the only time I get comfortable enough in my own skin to have a real engaging discussion with someone I don't know that I am attracted to, and to be brave enough myself to go in for a kiss... that to me seems like something a 24 1/2 year old should have conquered, NO? When I do go out for a crazy night (which really haven't been planned, a whole nother multi post discussion probably, I blame the Irish in me) or go visit friends in a City I tend to be the radiant wonderful, exciting, intriguing Heather I am and love being. I know there is probably some psychological doing that makes this happen, that if you are happy, people want to be around you, and I am happy when I am anywhere but here, especially in a larger city, or at least talking to someone from a larger city, where I want to be, a long distance person.

The two times this has happened in the last two years, in different context and degrees, this had lead to polite text streams of conversation the next day and the next few weeks and months in the way of I want to see you again, giving me the control, the control I have so well avoided to this point in my life, to invite them to come see me. I have pretty much shot it down in the past,  freaking out "why would someone travel that f-ing far to see me" that just doesn't make sense thoughts in my head (which gets back to self worth, value, blah blah blah) but really... if they want to travel here, I suppose I should let him and stop thinking and just enjoy, right???....

Now, this has only really happened twice ever, but both in the past 2 years, in different ways and context (although similar with alcohol being involved) and with many many varying details as well (actually the only similarities are that I was being bought many drinks I did not deny, they gave me a peck, I went for another, exchange numbers and a I would like to see you again at some point... similarities end there, and vary within degrees as well)

But the point is that I realize and know that I am very resistant as a person to letting anyone any, especially people I do not know well, and especially people that do not live in the county as me, is that fair?

This more recent encounter I am trying to not run from, to not shut down, to at least be open to the idea of just enjoying company and that, heaven forbid, someone is highly interested in me and possible put forth more effort then I am at the moment. (I know that sounds ridiculous, and I swear I have self confidence).

I am trying to face myself, so many people don't, and I am really hoping that figuring myself out (on all levels) will make me a happier person overall. It made me realize something about my self (which is always a good thing) that I already knew but didn't see/want to admit, I am a runner, in more then just the work out kind of runner, I am Irish, I challenge everything, work hard, am very competitive, and I don't talk about things when they bother me much and I kinda shut the world out when I am sad, its who I am, and the fact that I am learning more and more it is genetic in one way or another, gives me some assurance, but its still something I want to overcome, and need to overcome to some extent. I can't always run, and running doesn't solve everything always.

Have you had this same epiphany before? Is it just me?

I don't even know if what all I am talking about is the right way to phrase it, I am not so graceful with my writing and words as some, which has been the reason I stick to broad topics mostly and not things like relationship, b/c well, I don't want what I say to be mis-construed, such as the above touchy topic, but this is a blog I started to be honest, to document, to be able to just throw my thoughts out there, and to be able to reflect on later, maybe others would want to read it, give me advice, maybe no one and I would be with my thoughts alone... this is the crazy that happens in my head, so in today's state of mind I feel like sharing it and getting it out there, so it won't bother me anymore. This is my blog, and I am going to say what I want..

right? Do you write about everything bothering you on your blog?

I mean, I think everyone censors to a degree, I censor even these topics, but just approaching them like this is a big step for me.. hope I haven't scared you away with the craziness... I promise to wrap this up tomorrow.

more later, this is plenty enough heavy topic discussion..

heathers relationship shpeal

Some days you just have more to say then others.

Today (or rather yesterday, by the time this is actually posted) is/was one of them.

First things first before the shpeal takes over, wohoo underdog baseball teams for making it to the World Series, should be a fun thing to watch!

Now onto the womens brain mind boggle talk... 

Maybe it is long car trips, or just traveling to a new place, or truly pushing my body when it really did not want to go any more. Or meeting new people, meeting people that are interested to know you, and possibly that that person (or people sometimes) being male.

I do not talk much about my relationship life on here. Mostly because, well, it has been very non-existent the past year or two. Truth be told, I have not been in a relationship in nearly two years now.  Why, you ask, most people ask, it is not because I haven't been meeting people, or trying to meet people. Simply stated I am terrified (this is a hard pill to swallow, to admit your faults, but that is how you move forward right?).

I was hurt, pretty badly the last time I really let someone in to my life, and I was never actually apologized to. I was in a relationship with being in a relationship is how I come away with it, the other person was someone that didn't know how to be in a relationship, they wanted to know how, but didn't know how, and happen to be selfish enough to just take me along for the ride for a couple months before finally feeling guilty enough (or my true guess is having someone threaten to tell me, well I like to think that anyways) to tell me that it "wasn't working out" (I am being kind here, and you really don't want to know all the nitty gritty details).

After that I slowly put the pieces together that should have, and actually if we are brutally honest, did warn me, many months prior. After a relationship like that, I was exhausted. (I also was thankful distracted by focusing on getting ready to graduate and finish up senior and real life projects, opening the coffee shop at 5:30 am (part of my self-treatment was volunteering to open 4 days a week) as well as having pneumonia for 6 months). 

I have been busy, I have been trying to figure out me after that, rebuild myself, figure out what it is I want out of life, where I want to go, what I will stand for, and what I must have to be happy, in relationship, in love, in life, and to figure out why I let that relationship get the way it did, because the Heather I knew, would have walked away at the first sign, instead of letting it slide and turning a blind eye, believing the lies to my face. 

As a good Catholic Irish girl I was raised and taught how life worked, you grow up, do well in school, you are a good person, you will find a boy that respects and loves you (easy as cake of course), get married, get a house, have kids... and live happily ever after. Luckily I have figured out that this is not real life, and life includes a lot more a long the way to those things, if I really want all of those things at all. I really value that that is not how it all goes, but at moments I wish, as all 'little' big girls wish, that it was that easy sometimes...

sorry to break up the story, but this is long enough for one day of reading... more tomorrow.

Central Oregon, check!

Sorry for my absence, as I mentioned last week I was heading up to Portland for a half marathon and then over to Bend to check out Kristen's new place outside of Sun River. Quick trips to cities seem to becoming a habit I am forming, but its all that time will allow. Besides I think its for the best, as I might never leave these places if I truly had enough time to explore them fully.

Portland was wet and rainy, and the 1/2 marathon was quite a test of the pain tolerance, cold tolerance, and over all commitment to running well and completing what we signed up to do. I would not have finished had it not been for Kristen, I hit a wall early, but at mile 10 I honestly could have just stopped all together, dragging me behind her we even ran sub-9 minute miles for mile 12 and 13... and finished in 2:05, a very hard 2:05...

Then we proceeded to complain the rest of the day about it. Small words of accomplishment and making sure everyone with us knew that we could actually appreciate that we still did very well, but the pain and cold and 4 mile incline in the middle of the race, we will only be able to understand, no bitching and complaining will allow anyone to understand how badly it went, and how shocked we are that time wise it went so well... probably the longest 2 hours and 5 minutes we have ran yet... with that, it was great to run one with Kristen, it was great that we did it and did it together, and overall it was a good closure to our season... we didn't finish wanting anymore, and we finished fairly strong, leaving goals still to be conquered for next year (think sub 2 hours). Read a much better race review over here at Kristens blog.

We then took off from the race pretty much as soon as possible (unfortunately neither one of us where feeling up to any of the 2 free beers each we got for entering or the Papa Murphy's pizza or buffalo's chicken wings also part of our entrance fee) and headed out to Bend, OR to see Tyler and Kristen's place... and then it snowed :) See!!!

This is what it looked like yesterday morning. First snow of the season, was nice to be a part of witnessing it. We only where there for about 16 hours, but it was great to hang out, see the place, and enjoy more time with Kristen (and Tyler). Headed back to Arcata yesterday, and am now back to the desk at work... and wondering again, how I will be plotting to get out of here next... : ) Until that plot is formulated, I must get back to work... more posts soon, I am determined to get back on a regular routine, that and catch up on the said 182* blog posts I need to catch up on)  *after going through once and marking read to ones off topic or uninteresting...

Time for fall coats on the West Coast

Its finally dropped in temperature enough, its time, the coats are coming out... and I am excited, simply because I got a few back in Spring when they where on Sale after season, and a few recently that I have hung up and waited for the moment to bring them out on time, and trying not to jump the gun. Did you jump the gun? What is your key sign its time to bring the fall items out?

Well I made it! And here is one of the lovelies! I have had a black peacock and always wanted a colored one (the few purchased this year are all different colors!) and here was one on sale for Tulle in August! Its adorable, and I love it. As always with Tulle, very well constructed and made to last a long time.

I was not so sure about the length of the sleeves when I purchased it, but it was such a steal of a deal and a great looking coat that I decided to try it, and boy am I happy. With the half sleeves I have figured out its easier to deal with. I can wear it at work and not feel like the sleeves are getting in the way of typing. Also I always find myself pushing sleeves of jackets up anyways to about my elbow to get them out of the way.. so it just works better then I expected, which is always wonderful!

 Love this dress, and I am pretty sure I have shown you guys this combo before so I won't bore you with more gushing, but I still love it and will keep it around for awhile.

BUT I AM JUST IN LOVE WITH THE COAT!!!!

coat - Tulle

dress- Tulle

belt - Target

boots - Route 66

purse - garage sale find

I will be heading up to Portland tomorrow morning, so excited! I have never been there and I have had numerous people tell me they think I need to check it out. I will be running my 2nd  1/2 marathon on Sunday morning with my friend Kristen, and then heading over to Bend for a quick trip (where Kristen moved to) and then back to Arcata on Monday. Hopefully I can take some sweet pictures, outfit pictures even maybe in Portland, I have Saturday to explore, and Sunday.. well we are going to get dumped on, so it might not be great picture taking, but I assume Tyler (Kristen's bf) will probably have a camera around, so maybe I will end up with a few decent ones to share! Have a lovely weekend, any big plans?

omg omg omg!!

So I am just mildly excited because I saw a sign for a clothing swap in Arcata!!!! On Sunday!! I am so giddy already... I really hope it goes well... we will see.... but I am really really excited :) :) :) :)

Run fast for your mother and fast for your father, run for your children for your sisters and brothers

Ok ok, I have waited long enough, sorry. Actually trying to get my life in order, catch up on sleep, figure out what I am doing, etc. Same ole same ole... BUT... I am so excited, you know those days where you just know how to add 1+1+1=3... in outfit terms? Well today was one of those days. Before I had it on, I knew it was a dynamite winner.

And as if I needed any confirmation about my outfit, our office manager is pretty attentive to outfits/work wear, not that she says anything when its a fail, and inappropriate, but she does make a point to say something when she sees something she likes, and according to her, its a "rocking outfit from top to bottom" : ) I'll take it!

Ah, and the boots, there they are, the lovely little things, flat bottom (tiny tiny wedge on them) they zip up on the inside, and they fit my calves, I know they don't look ginormous or anything, but they are bigger then your average 7.5 footed person apparently ("blame it" on the running)

I did end up getting a size 8, just because I figure in the winter I will want warmer socks and jeans and all that to fit in them and not be busting at the seams. I am happy with them.

I enjoy this outfit and I think I definitely will be wearing it again and again, but I did think that some of those fun design tights (the trendy ones right now) would be great, or just some thicker ones for when it does get colder...

Dress- Final Touch via consignment

Boots - American Eagle

Sweater - Elle via Kohls

In other news, I am chicken sitting (in addition to house and dog sitting) this weekend... I feel as though it could be an opportune time to catch some good documentation of me with the possibility of some high rated you tube video. I have no issues with chickens, and in general I am pretty happy that animals exist and give us food to eat, eat bugs and scraps, etc... I do tend to stay back and not try and control or direct animals though... so getting chickens in a coop at night might be quite entertaining... hmm I will report back, no video footage promises though.

Thank you and Please me?!

So this fabulous blogger Merl, makes incredible jewlery, as well as has a stock full of vintage... amazing, and now she is giving away $100 to her Esty store, count me in, and if you would like to take your chance at winning as well (so you can of course buy me something sweet! ; ) ) head on over to her blog and check out the entry rules. And if you aren't already following her, I suggest you do, for the outfits, the jewelry and her charming writing... Besides if you read my blog, well then you better be reading blogs that are far more on top of their shit... GO!

There you go making my heart beat again, heart beat again, heart beat again

I am not going to apologize, but I know I have been absent, I was house sitting and dog sitting since my last post, and trying to embrace the absence of Internet being around all the time. There is a beauty in being disconnected. I mean, not letting the rest of the world know your every waking move. I have a twitter, I don't use it, well I post something like once a year, I don't have it on my phone (I have a "dumb phone" in contrast to all these smart phones everyone has). And I think sometimes there is a lot to be there for just living your life. I actually have found that those times when I am happiest, and busiest (the two go together in my world) I am on the computer and Internet less. So when you don't hear from me as much, its most likely a good sign... most of the time

Someone pointed out to me recently that they thought I was a creature of habit... My first thought is "no"... I think about it and I do have a method to how I live my life, how I make decisions, how I choose my actions. do I have habits,sure. Do I choose locations, trips, etc in a repetitive comfortable habit.. no. I don't think so anyways...

I def. do best under pressure, under short deadlines, with things that are a bit of a challenge, but that are within my scope to handle. I am fairly terrified of the unknown, and I am a Planner, by Career, by personal lifestyle. I don't know if that is a creature of habit, but maybe a creature of planning?

shirt - rue 21

button up - target?

jeans - 7's via consignment

wedges - Steve Madden via cosignment (promise I'll change up the shoes soon)

It sometimes is my downfall, holds me back. But I have taken jumps in life, and just realized it will work out how its suppose to. Of course I have most likely weighted out the pro's and con's, and have a Plan B if it fails. I wish I could live with no Plan B, however financial burden has stepped in and required I don't completely live a "free" lifestyle.

I know I come back from SF, to this place I dislike, I mean I don't hate it, I hate that I am "stuck" here for the time being. If I could truly have a job lined up, or my debts in order to go without a Plan B for awhile, I would, but I need to stay put, build the resume, save money, pay down debt. There is a plan (of course there is a plan). Unfortunately, I still like to whine and complain because the timeline is not as short as I would prefer. However, I have come to realize I am one of those people that know what I really want (well most of the time) and have never really been given the easy in, I have always had to work extra hard, with delayed gratification for things... normally waiting a year or two (mostly two) to get to where I want to be.

(and in optimistic fashion..) I have learned that I cherish these things, places, people a whole hell of a lot more if I just got handed them. If I just got into the college I wanted, if I just got the job I wanted where I wanted. And you know what, I don't fail completely out, but I have had to work hard, take what I am given, and make it work to get me to where I want to be... I wanted to go to Cal Poly THAT BAD. And you know what, I got there, I went somewhere else, I transferred, I got GE's done well, I applied, I got in, I worked hard, and I graduated in 5 years (which is actually "normal" for cal poly, and I transferred in). I want to be some place, but I am somewhere else. I am working, expanding my experience, setting myself up for when this G)@ D*#! economy turns around enough that there are planning jobs. I am networking as much as possible, and I am keeping my head up.

Now I just need someone to refine my resume to refocus it again, I have so many many resumes in my files, I think I just need a person that focuses on resumes to help me develop a solid focused few (such as one for transportation planning jobs, one for public sector, one for private/design) If I had these, I think I could at least be more confident in sending them off. Grant it I have had some calls, a few interviews, but no offers.

Time will tell, after all "everything is ok in the end, if its not ok, then its not the end"

( I really got off on a tagent today, I really want to share the few snap shots I took at the conference... tomorrow I guess... oh and boots! I finally bought a pair of black flat boots!)