and the countdown begins

Actually, the countdown has been on for awhile... I am ready to kiss 2009 goodbye (that is the only thing i'm going to be kissing tonight) and I am ready to see what 2010 has in store. This has most definetly been a year of ups and downs, alot of downs. But I must say I have grown in many many ways. I have become humble, happy with little, and confidence in myself and my future looking better. I have a job, a loving family, wonderfully amazing friends (no matter the distance) and that is really all you need. Yes I am cutting it way close on costs, but I am making it work, and know it won't be like this forever, and because of that I can not wait. I have learned more about myself, dating wise, it was a love hate thing... ending with admitting the doubts I had before, realizing no matter how much I want something to work and want someone to love me (in that way, I know I have plenty of people that love me) I can only do so much, and in the end, denying and ignoring cracks, does only more damage to myself. I have learned that I really can not make everyone happy, and I need to be ok with that. I am going to have to tell people things directly and know that they are not going to be happy with what I am saying. I have admired those around me with the strength to be blunt and honest... It is something I lack and am going to be working on this next year.

I have graduated college, love and lost again, moved to new places, trusted that life has a path for me and it is out of my control, I just have to trust my gut and go with it, its there for a reason.

Cheers to 2010, Cheers to surviving 2009, and Cheers to friends, family, love, peace, and an optimistic future.

he wears a tuxedo all the time...

So I have this boy in my life... he's perfect. He loves to cuddle for hours in the morning while I read my book of crazy traveling, and he just lays not asking for anything more then a place for his head and to be right next to my body. He likes to hang out with me when I just want to watch a movie and is patient while I talk to my mom on the phone for more time then one should spend on the phone. His name is Benjamin and he wears a tuxedo all the time, and it fits him perfectly. I can go out and he is patiently waiting for me at home, every time with the same excitement and love.

Oh did I mention Benji is a cat... damn... well at least he's one boy in my life I can count on right?? : )

Be Stunning

This story belongs in its own post.....

So waiting in line for the bathroom at Everett's (a bar dt) on Friday, with Torie, this girl was going on and on talking with her friends, and Torie casually chimes in to start talking to her, intrigued by her excitement. The girl proceeds to explain how she got this chest (which was mighty large if you ask me) when she was 12 and she didn't know what to do with it, then she turned 16. And she figured out that "boys use there shit, so we got to use ours, if we think we are stunning, then we are stunning. You (pointing Torie head to toe) are stunning, (turns to me) and you are stunning, we are all stunning, and We could get any boy in this bar and take them home, in fact, I did that the other night, and you know what, he thought I was stunning" She then goes on about how she has gone back and forth in weight from 175 to 115 ( I feel like this might be a slight intoxicated exaggeration, but I wasn't going to argue with the girl, she was stunning after all, lol) and she has been in the army and the navy ( I think she was trying to refer to being around the army and navy men ( but again, I ain't going to break judgement) and they all will believe you if you think you are stunning, they will think you are stunning.

Needless to say, sometimes people like that have a point, be stunning, if you believe you are stunning and act stunning, others will believe it too...

An amazing weekend with Torie Dye, a Stunning one...

Holiday Season is a go, and the countdowns are on...

18 days give or take 1 or 2 and i'll be home in Murrieta with the family.

30 days til the end of one of the toughest years I have had ever is over, and a new optimistic one begins.

33 days and i'll be on a cruise line to Mexico for 7 days.

Now to recap one of the best Thanksgivings I've had. I was not able to go just due to the shear distance and time, and the fact that I will be home so long at Christmas (around 3 weeks). However I lucked out and got one of the next best families to be in the area. Miss. Torie Dye and the "stunning" (more on the word of the day later) Dye family came up to her Aunt and Uncle's home for the holiday.

First crazy thing happens is that I had yet to ask the address or exact location of their home. Once she was in town and called to have me come over, I find out that she is close by, I told her to walk outside and yell my name.... I could hear her... turns out, Aunt and Uncle live directly behind the house I am living in!! What are the chances... small small world.

It was absolutely wonderful to spend time with them all, just hanging out in a homey environment, plenty of laughter, wine, talking about politics, communities, outlooks on life, everything. And of course just to be around Torie again. I always forget how much fun we have and how similar the two of us look at life. Its nice to have that friend around that just gets it, and you get them.

Went up to Lady Bird Johnson and Fern Canyon to show them some big trees and fern covered walls.. very relaxing just to be around family and not worry about work, money, the day of the week... any of that... very much what I needed.

Took Torie out to Lost Coast Brewery and DT Arcata on Friday night, and I had an absolute blast running around with her, some things will never change. Went to my old house where a dance party was going on. So much fun and with such fun laid back people.

Had to say good bye come Saturday morning, but it was a wonderful few days, sooo much of what I needed, and sooo thankful for a wonderful friend and family to take me in and just give me so much love for a few days when I was so far away from my family.... definetly felt at home.

Pictures!

I totally forgot to post pictures... I do have a camera after all and recently swooped a mini tripod... so i decided to go for a spin in the front yard. got dolled up (trust me, i don't dress like this on any given day in arcata... I sure would get some funny looks and I'm just not one to want to stand out in a crowd) and I was a bit cool... it is november after all. but they did turn out well and are at least something to share from the North Coast

1st homemade sushi roll... not to shabby, and it was just wonderful to eat, we had cucumber, avocado, carrots, tempura yams, albacore, and probably more that i can't remember, but it was delicious and so much fun.. I could eat sushi every night like this... yummy. ( I should send this to my parents, they would be shocked... i was the pickiest eater child ever)

There was a slight overlap of sushi night plans, so the next time sushi was rolled at my house too... here is some more yummy sushi

Front Yard pictures... I will have to work on the other ones, for some reason it won't let me upload them... anyhow this is a fallen redwood in the front yard that is beautiful.. this pictures begins to capture why I love this place, its just beautiful.

And humboldt can have beautiful sunsets, I took this up at Six Rivers Brewery in McKinleyville, nice way to end a day after hiking up in fern canyon with Renee who was visiting.

Christmas bells....

Mid November... I guess I have successfully avoided those places that hit christmas before halloween... and then there was the tunes. I was in some random store last week and walked past some music display of holiday tunes going off and thought "oh brother here we go, its official now". Not that it was a news flash to me, but I still feel like its September or August... I think i'm in a time warp or something of the sorts. Arcata will do that to you, besides more rain, its about the same weather as the summer, a bit cooler, but not enough to change a season or two.

Job security... I have been "promoted" to City Planner of Blue Lake... which is an amazing opportunity I would not have in a bigger place. Due to co-workers moving on to bigger and greater things, I have been delegated (minimal hours truely, but hours none the less) the work. It will be really really good for me, I need to build tough skin and get use to people getting mad at me b/c i simply tell them what the "zoning says" and not always being the girl that gets along with pretty much anyone. And I finally have a purpose at the office. Not so great news is no raise is really in sight : / I think in the past week I have gone through all the phases of grief with this... truely I have bills, and a good amount of them for just graduating from college, and every penny counts, BUT I have a job, I have to remember that, it might not be perfect, but there really aren't too many perfect jobs out there right now, let alone anything that I could really get (haven't had an offer yet and I have pretty much sent out resumes since Feb.)

I thought of moving back to murrieta, but I think the best thing I can do for my long term career goals is to come back up, get paid terribly, take the experience and realize it WILL pay off later when I have the experience others I graduated with aren't getting right now. I will look into getting some relaxed low thought process job around town, luckly the lady I work with knows a few different business owners and will refer me with a good record to try and find me side work. This would be nice b/c

1. It gives me something else to do, I am so use to having so many things going on with different groups that I think I am sorta depressed in a way b/c my life is simple for the moment, I go to work, 2 classes and the rest of the week is mine... odd for a girl named Heather

2. Its a different income source, If something goes wrong, or he comes to me and says, hey, you have to cut back your hours a lot, I can still stay and rough it out, without being financially screwed, for lack of better words.

3. My planning experience grows... key to landing the next job, and it will just show that I have long term employment.

In other news Torie Dye is coming to town!!! Wednesday the BFF will be in town and Thanksgiving celebrations will happen with the Dye family this year. Should be great, and I haven't seen her since I moved up here, so it will be a breathe of fresh air having her around to just sit with in the forest on a hike and laugh and be myself without having to try. CAN NOT WAIT!

Christmas break will be great, I am going to go down the week of Christmas if all goes according to plan. Then I will be down there through the new year and am going on a family cruise! We will be going to Mexico, Cabo, Mazalan, and Puerto Vallerta. It will be fun and good time spent with family.

We are going b/c my dad is requesting to be deployed to Afghanistan at the end of january for a year and he wants to spend time with all of us as a family before that happens. : ( I don't understand it, although there are several reasons he is going and has thought about it long and hard. The man only knows the life of a solider, and he loves it dearly... I love him, but I don't think I will ever truly understand. He's so selfless though and cares so much about his family, it amazes me and teaches me so much, simply by his actions.

2 months... geezzz

Well I am alive.. and still in Arcata. which I suppose at the time of the last post, was a little uncertain. I have been extended employment until the end of the year. and then an evaluation at that point of work available, pay, etc.

In other news, I need footwear... that aren't pumps, aren't flip flops... something that protects my feet from weather... I guess it is a true sign that I have lived in a sheltered climate for awhile huh... But I am thankful I held onto the blue funky rainboots my mom got me way back that I wasn't to sure about at the time. That was a good move.

Shopping lately has been good, as in checkbook good. And it still works out well for staples and accessories that I live in humboldt and don't exactly fit in, means shopping works well for me at thift shops and sales. found a sweat multi-colored v patterned scarf for 3.50 at target, along with this wonderfully bright mustard colored messenger bag with turquoise accent fabric for about 4 bucks (not super nice, but is the kick of color i need and will at least stick around long enough to get the moneys worth and make me smile) also scored a nice waste belt for 4 bucks and a dress that it was made for for 6.50 (target was a great day) so I left with 3 accessory pieces and a beautiful dress that looks great with or without tights and boots, for less then 20 bucks... my mother trained me well... lol

Picked up some white jeans (I decided I am just going to be a rebel, I wear white pants year round... probably more when "its out of season" b/c its colder and calls for pants... ehh over it, but some older lady is probably going to think i'm going to hell for it) for 2.50 at the thift shop, along with 2 pairs of heals... one solid black pumps from chinease laundry (quite possibly my favorite brand of shoes currently) and another pair that are brightly colored, but could go for a black ensemble one night... each pair was a dollar.. so took a chance and snagged both.

I'm starting to settle in to Arcata, and I do enjoy the place, I just really need a large airport near by, or more of a pay check.. I am working on it. Will be applying for a position with the City on Monday.. would mean I would be signing on to being here for awhile, but if they are paying me enough to feel like I am not a college student anymore... I think I would be content for a year or two up here. Just gonna have to sack it up for traveling to see the family... but a job is a job right now, and I would be happy enough.

And then I could stop talking about finding a job and having money... I feel like I am on repeat all the time... settling for awhile would be nice...

Its a new week... and I'm gonna be happy

Alright! Good Morning

So new week, new clothes, new blog entry, new optomism.

I'm trying to merg this lack of high professionalism look of humboldt county profressionalisms (heals are just out of the question truely, and bright bold colors are sunglass worthe in this earthy tone runned town.) It makes for a challenge and some entertainment, it is very different culturally up here. and it is fun to try and "fit" but "not" and be me but not stick out like I belong in Miami for example. And to be professional. So here we are, my nearly entirely thrift store put together outfit.

I was in a rush to get a snapshot of it for you that the whole picture isn't necessarily flattering, but you get the gist

Skirt - old navy via thrift store, it is actually a bit longer and more pencil shaped then it appears

Tank - Basic blue tank

Black sweater- haha, again old navy (apparently I like their classic pieces)

Flats - Kelly Dumas via Burlington Coat Factory

Silver Bangle - I think Kohls maybe

Necklace - gift from my younger sister

Also the other "excitting" news for the morning is this lovely small very full box sitting on "my desk" (i still dont actually have my own desk)

Hooray for me, a small accomplishment

flustrated

Its a word I apparently made up... flustrated. A combination of flustered and frustrated. But when I use it, it is always an inappropriate time to correct me on my verbage, lol.

I am at work, and I have done my work, and have passed it along for review and approval, and yes I know that I am new and adding to the work load (a tiny bit may I add) and I do not get back what I put in. I simply do not know what to do in this working world that is so upside down and backwards from the rest of the world.

I do good work, they are happy with it, but do they do anything with that good work. Not that I have seen. I have made minimal changes to marketing work over the past two weeks, with little to no progress made it actually utilizing it.

I understand there are other projects, currently bringing in money and that they are a priority and need to have attention spent on them where it is due. However, if you hire me on to do something new, you have to give it some time of the day, and not after weeks and weeks of nods of approval and oks. I am a new hire, new to the working world. Yes I am self motivated, but I need reassurance and support. If I wanted a job that relied on not working with anyone else or not needing support from anyone, well I wouldn't be doing this, thats for sure.

This is really the first time I am so upset about the situation that I almost want to just leave and say, when I have some work to do, call me and I'll come back. I am simply waitting on others. And have been for nearly a week. The only thing that keeps me here, wondering about teh computer is the fact that there are bills to pay and I have to be here in order to get paid to pay those bills, and he agreed to pay me. So I stay... Id rather be productive. I guess its motivation to find another job, a job that has a lot for me to do. Yet I wonder, is it like this everywhere...

there are nice people, its a beautiful place, but I am not "doing" anything, I know it might take a while to get a project I really want to do, but until then, what do you do?

Enough for now, at least this weekend shall provide some entertainment. I will be partaking in a beer festival HOPS for Humboldt on Saturday and then Sunday am volunteering (pouring beer and wine, got to love volunteering) at an organic planet festival that should be fun, providing the sun decides to show up and its not all foggy... so til the weekend...

I just don't want to waste any time in my life not making a difference and doing things... I am just taking up space and using things if I do not give back... and gosh darn it, for some reason I am not one of those people that can be happy that way.

work, north coast, a brew, a few good friends

I have come to realize that I am happy. I may not be living a crazy "post college" life, but I am content. I have goals and dreams and know that I just have to stay focused to reach those things, but that I can do it, and even though I am on "rock ground" with work and life... i am starting to realize many people are, especially right now. And that as long as I keep chugging along right now, I will be just fine.
In other news, I am moved in.. its a little odd of a living situation, but it is working out well for me, which is all that matters. It is like living at home, but not, and being cozy and comfy and relaxed when I am there. I will have to take pictures... I am going to fix my computer after the next paycheck... beginning of September mac book should be back in full swing! so excited, it will be nice to just do my "surfing" of randomness again, laying in my bed, or just around the couch, with my cup of coffee from the espresso machine that sits on the kitchen counter.

I am starting to settle with the idea of not knowing being ok... which is a pretty big accomplishment for the "planner" that I am. It is kinda refreshing actually, because I simply am enjoying the moments for the moments that they are, and not having to worry about much more, I have more appreciation for small things and I love it. Or maybe that is the north coast culture settling in.

College is back in session, students are in town, something interesting to me, since its a college town, i feel I fit right in, but then its not my college town, and I am not a college student anymore (well I am a part time student at the Community College, but that doesn't count) but its fun, and nice and relaxing...

life is good, its not great, i am not making millions or changing the world just yet, but I am on my way somewhere and its going to be a great ride, and I will always love this part of the world/state. there is beauty all around.

Just a quick picture

Not much time to talk today, but my mom finally sent me this picture of me and a t-shirt quilt I made for a friend out of her shirts from college.

people are baffling, and a pain

Sometimes I think I am just the crazy one. I simply want to be a good person, go about my day, pay my bills, do my job, and maybe take a few minutes for myself. Is that really that hard to ask for and deserve.
I have now talked to Wells Fargo every morning this week b/c I deposited a check I later found out had a stop payment on.... and I have woken up to a large negative balance ever day this week due to it. Yet thankfulyl Wells Fargo customer service is polite and very helpful in the morning.... but still, people this is ridiculous, if you owe me money you can't stop payment on a $600 check.... I know have to reverse overdraft fees and still maintain my bank account and credit... and its not my fault at all, the money is rightfully mine, but I can't get at it, and its costing me my sanity.
Other then that, life is getting better, 1 more move and I will be settled in "my room" and "home" up here, 3 weeks... can not wait, it can not come soon enough.
Starting to train for a 1/2 marathon, and doing bikram yoga on a regular basis, and try and calm myself down more, since apparently I over react and take things (like the above mentioned check) too personally (excuse me, its 600 dollars you have that belongs to me, I am going to take that personally).

Also as you move through life, you lose friends, find new ones, and learn its part of life, and some people are not going to be able to keep in contact. Some people will grow with you, and you will stay friends, and its hard to say you can't do it anymore with some that just seem to go down a different path and you don't see eye to eye with anymore... its tough, especially when once upon a time they were the only one that was 100% on the same thought process as you, and now seems 180 degrees opposite... I guess thats all you can do, huh?

No worries. I got back to all my clothes finally today, its amazing how exciting it is after 3 weeks of living out of one suitcase to be able to expand to 3, lol, and soon I will be able to hang things up, unpack, live normally... can't wait.... and i'll finally take pictures of the shoes and such.... and post them, just have to get my life back together a bit and things will become normal again

Trust your gut, say thank you, and smile

So, the sun is shining, its a beautiful day, and I have the self confidence and trust in myself that I am capable of making decisions best when I throw myself at something, a project, a relationship, anything really..... I will always try and plan for the best, the worst, and any path that might break off of those, that is me and my personality.... to over plan.

- I am so thankful for the people I am surrounded by, even through my phone, so thankful. I have friends that let me go, trusting me to fall on my face and will be there to pick me up if things don't' work out, but that will be there to support me no matter what. I have this wonderful wonderful family around me that I have developed without me even knowing what was going on at the time.
I guess that is one of the side benefits of college and being involved with organizations, you build your "chosen" family out of it, even if i didn't pick them when I first met them (most of them I didn't right off the bat) they picked me, we picked each other to support, even when our lives are crazy and hectic, I am blessed to have people that will drop everything to help me, a party night out, a date, homework, to support me... Amazing...

You sometimes overlook some of the best friends you have out there. Some you know, you hang out with them all the time, are constently in touch with them. Others you realize in the most subtle, desparete, and negative moments of your life, they are the random ones that pick you up and carry you when you never expect it.
They sit by and let you break down, holding you tight, letting you know that it will all be ok,, that you can be weak and they can relate, that its ok not to be happy and show it.
These are the ones you hope you realize are the best friends you could never ask for, before they slip away. They pick you up when you're downand carry you when you are weak... and when you realize the value between the two of you, you can build off of that and recongize how wonderful people can be.

On another note, I have been trying to work on different aspects of myself and truly making a difference in the lives of people I encounter, weather it is my family, friends, co-worker or someone I pass on the street, or the checker at the store. I am making this attempt to try and connect and make their day better, even if it is simply by smiling at them, saying hello, asking them sincerely how their day is going, it is really amazing how much people appreciate someone trying to actually acknowledge them, rather then just gain something from them. Our world has become this system of encountering so many people a day, but not really truly connecting with them.

I also am working on saying thank you, sincerely, to people that have made me a better person, writing thank you letters to teachers that took time to help me, influence me to think bigger, more critically, and open my eyes to topics and interests I would otherwise surpass. Little acts of kindness.... they go a long way, and they give me a feel good feeling inside. It is a free, simple, easy, quick thing that I wish more people could incorporate into their lives, the world wouldn't feel so cold.

In other news, I apparently forgot my fleece, its a staple "fashion" item of the North Coast, what was I thinking, lol... got to get on that

Running is going well, I feel better, more toned and I do everything better when I work out... go figure, I work better, sleep better, and am more calm and relaxed with life in general. Maybe its the fresh air up here, who knows. I am looking into the Bikram yoga center up here, so glad they have one, maybe alternating with that and running, would be good for me in so many ways.

And I think I have figured out my living situation, it is going to take a little bit of jumping around for the next month, but its affordable and the time table says that it should work out pretty well. and it is another living example of "its who you know, not what you know". I am going to stay at a friends house that is out of the country right now, move her furniture and stuff in and then will be able to move into the "permanent" living situation here in Arcata a few days before she returns from South America. I need to work out a good thank you for Tami, my co-working for letting me stay at her place while I figure this all out and so that I could start working. And a thank you for Cheryl, the office manager, for finding me the cheap furnished, no deposit room from a friend, and to Bob for asking if anyone could let me stay at their place, and Carly for letting me living in her room she hasn't even seen yet b/c she is abroad. such kinda and wonderful people around me.... "every little thing is going to be alright"

Have a wonderful day, and Smile, its good for you!

Settled, kind of...

So I have finally made it to Arcata, finally decided on at least a "temp" job. Now I just need to find a place to actually live so that all my stuff can make it out of my car. I luckly have a very sweet co-worker that is allowing me to stay at her house until I find a place (meaning I can avoid crashing at the ex's house). Hopefully monday will be promising with a place very near work.

Work is off to a good start, Im already writting up a grant (need to finish it in a week or so, haha, no big deal right?!) to try and find funding for a sustainability plan (aka- work for me). It is excitting to be trying to help develop a division of a company, its hard when they do work with cities and those cities have no money... makes for an interesting company prediciment.

I miss people.... I am doing fine as far as work and stability in my life, however it is slowly kicking in, as I am sure that this weekend will key in on, that I am not right around the corner from about 300 people that I know... give or take a few ; ) and that I am going to have to figure out this, find and make friends thing. I am working towards other job options if this one only lasts the 3 months, but also realizing I need to work my little butt off (ok not so little) to try and insure that I can stay here and still have work and income if I can't find work elsewhere... and count my blessings that I am working a full time job for the time being using the degree I earned.

ps- wearing one pair of the new shoes today.... pictures to come, I had a rough week a bit ago and the laptop screen shattered, so we are back to no pictures for awhile... oh well. life goes on and its a good thing I sit in front of a computer 40 hours a week now.

what 24 hours or a few weeks will do to ones plans

It is amazing how much can change in a matter of weeks. So I am no longer going to San Jose. I decided moving home and saving money would be better use of my time and better for my well being then going to San Jose to count trees. So that was the plan....

So I graduated! It was awesome, a little bit sad, a little bit exciting, and I sit here with a lot of disbelief that its over... I mean there is always Grad school.... eventually right? So I hung out for a few days, celebrated, went to six flags with a few people, had a great time. Everyone is starting to pack up and disappear, a little spooky to say the least. 

I know I will keep in touch with them all, I have always been good at keeping up with people farther away... 

I came home on thursday to visit with the grandparents, since they were still out here from graduation. I brought half of my stuff down with me, to move home. While I have been here I have been applying for more planning jobs in the bay area, since that is were i want to end up. However its all ones that have been posted online, and I feel like there are so few people that actually gain a job that way, especially in a job market this way. But none the less I continue, cant hurt to try. 

Monday I went out and was applying for serving jobs, so that possiably I can come back next week and have a job lined up. Come home, and find an email (side note, I finally sat down and wrote my internship company back letting them know my update and that I have decided to move home to find something permanent closer to a larger city) from Bob Brown (boss at streamline) congratulating me at graduating and letting me know he would like to offer me 3 months of work (full time) with a pay raise off last summers, to help develop an energy planning division, with the option to look for full time work elsewhere while doing it. And if it works and takes off and the division is found to be profitable and sustained, I could be up for a pay increase and continued employment. The man wants to help me out as much as he can... 

I had to sleep on it, I had just settled down with the idea that I was going to be moving home and living with my parents working a service job until i found something, whenever that was.... and now, I'm heading back up , 5 hours north of SF to a beautiful place I am a little nervous to return to.

Honestly I realized that I need to just do what is best for me, and that best right now is to jump in feet first, if i run into the boy, I turn around and run the other way, oh be stuck in my tracks and figure out what to do from there.... but that should not stop me from forwarding my career and resume experience.... I am a big girl, lol..

In other news, I am absolutely not allowed to buy any more shoes, I am going back with 4 new pairs.... thats right ladies and gentlemen, 4 pairs.... never ever let me near a burlington coat factory... I never knew they had shoes, let alone ones on sale, and nice ones too... I ended up with a pair of black flats (needed desperately for months now) for $14.99.... a pair of nine west black pumps for 18.99 (my pumps have seen their days past) and then I bought a pair of purple snake pattern stilettos on monday (without my mothers knowledge, shed kill me if she knew about that pair, totally impractical and just plan hot and a have to have) for 19.99.... and then I walked into some other store... saying it was a bad idea with my mom and sister to look at purses for my sister... (little did i know it was a giant shoes store with a few purses!!! they are terriable!) and walked out with some green round toed pumps from Chinese Laundry, so comfy! 

I will post pictures when I get home, I apparently left my camera in San Luis.... 

Also cute khakis, a kelly green tank, a turquoise blue short sleeve plaid shirt, levi shorts (always clutch in the fit department with levi's) an adorable jacket and a wonderful black skirt... all on sale of course in my mothers fashion... my mom wouldn't support my shoe habit, but clothes she was alright with if on sale... got to love being home a little bit....

And I finally got to go thrift store shopping (all of the above is sale rack shopping of course, I am with my mother after all) Found a wonderful jean jacket that fits me perfectly, it was the splurge at $10 but totally amazing and worth it. Also I picked up a nice purple sweater shirt that you layer over a tank, and a teal short sleeve sweater and just a plan white T that was like 2.50 and looked as if it had been more maybe once... 

I love thrift store deals when you walk out with 4 new pieces for less them 25 bucks..

Oh and new silver bangle for my left arm, (from kohls) the older one was getting pretty shabby, and i found one I liked and that was small enough to stay on my wrist... pictures coming as well!

So I got my shopping fix in for a little while. lol.

Meanwhile I am trying to figure out a way to move my cat to my parents house if I can not take her to Arcata with me, many of the ad's say no cats : ( so I am trying to find her a 3 month home in slo or a ride to Murrieta to my parents house, or close by so she can get picked up and taken care of by my family til I can afford a place she can live at or I  move back home...  

So ladies and gentlmen I will be moving to Arcata with my shoe collection that is proably a little over the top for humboldt county, and not living at home out of college, at least not quite yet.... guess I got what I asked for... knock on wood... 

Til I get back to the camera! Hope you summer seasons are going well and you are soaking up the rays, safely of course!

SAN JOSE

It has been decided, I have a job, at least through Dec 12th, in San Jose... now i need to find housing, but its one step down.... if anyone knows of anyone with a cheap room/closet I could live in with my cat, i would love the help/suggestions. I can not wait... i'm excited, nervous, relieved, and finally taking a sigh of relief... now I just have to get through finals, HA! this should be a joy.. but starting the week off with good news is always a nice blessing... 

Also finally had a freak out yesterday about graduating, I think it was the combo of finishing up an intense but wonderful senior week filled with joy, love, and opening my eyes to how much you learn and gain from a sorority and how much, even as i have dreaded some of it, i will miss it, just a little bit. I was freaking out about the idea of moving home, the idea that I might not have a job, the idea of having no money and having bills to pay... the idea of leaving college... you dont think its going to end, but it does..... what was i thinking trying to graduate.... i guess it is so you appreciate it more?! It has been great, and I can only imagine what the next part of my life holds... I know it will be ok, but its scary and uncertain, but I can not wait... 

 

The count down has begun : /

And I don't know how I feel about it.... 

It came so quick, but I am ready to be done, I think I would be a little bit more excited if I had a job secured.... Continue to try though, we shall see...just scary. 

Got an adorable graduation dress that I CAN NOT wait to wear.... see!

I am thinking I will probably end up wearing my silver flip flops ( i do go to school in california right?) but really want to wear it with my brown boots, we shall see, they have a fat heel on them so I wouldn't sink in the grass... we shall see.

Had too much fun with the weekend, cowboy and indian birthday, champagne dt, beer festival and a beach day... to bad it doesn't last like that always.

When you are in san fransico

Do not forget to wear flowers in your hair.... 

 Now I have only ever driven through SF. And I know people that have moved there, and people that want to move there, and really very few people that have nothing put good things to say about the city. But.... I was not prepared for the sheer love that I would have for the place after visiting it for one weekend. 

I absolutely love it, I could be soooo happy living there, and understand how people will spend so much to live there out of their income... I am terribly sad by the economic state, b/c that is not going to be in my favor at all of getting to move there for a job after graduating... but I am going to try... 

on that note, I am starting to freak out, I am graduating in 3 1/2 weeks.... and have yet to hear from the interview.... and am starting to think that going back to arcata is not what I need to do... that leaves me jobless upon graduation if I do not get an offer from LPA.... I need to really start to send out my resume more still. Something I kinda stopped doing after I had the interview and was so sick again. But I am wondering what one does when they basically leave college with nothing but a lot of debt?

sitting, waiting

Still waiting to hear about the job.. the last person interviewing (I think) went today... I called earlier and said that I had another offer (pretty true) and that I was wondering about a approximate timeline that I could have for them deciding .... but left a message and I know he was in meetings all after noon. Hoping they will let me know in the next week or soo... would be a nice little birthday present now wouldn't it... 

My shoes came and I wore them for formal, very comfy and beautiful... love them.... also I am now on the hunt for a graduation dress. I have no idea what to wear or what I am looking for. Maybe when I see it I will just know.

I GOT A CAMERA FOR MY BIRTHDAY!! so now I can take pictures and post them! and the camera is water resistant and just seems to be built for me.... so excited, thanks mom and dad!! 

Its a beautiful day!

Someone put something in my medicine... But I feel wonderful and feel like I am back to optimistic Heather... it is refreshing!

I am at the library, working away (well going to be) at hw and Senior Project... and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else. Truth is I am a big nerd, I love to learn, I love to do well, I love to be organized, and I love to have a reason... I like to know the future, I like to think I can plan things out, but in reality you can never plan for everything, this is good in many ways, as much as a society we strive for perfection. 

1. I would be out a job if you could plan for everything, b/c then things wouldn't need to be fixed, updated, or altered anything related to planning cities... big bummer there. 

2. life would be boring, if you could plan for everything and make sure everything went smoothly, and you knew every little thing, when would you get excited and get rushes, and see things that make you want to jump up and down with happiness?

Even with the bad that comes from not being able to plan for everything, if you weigh it with all the positives you get out of not being able to plan for every little thing, I would think it was worth it. In love, life, work, play, and everything between... it all happens how it is suppose to, "it all happens for a reason",  "You can't learn lessons without making mistakes" and everything makes you a better person, shapes you to the ultimate you, the person you become is because of your experiences, good and bad.

If you are passionate about something, chances are it is because of some turn of events in your past. The things that make you happy, that make you sad, make you cringe, or make you jump for joy... are because of the unplanned. 

I get in funks, I will be the first to admit it, sometimes they last for months... sometimes just for a few days. However I am blessed with friends that hang in there with me through it, and once I get past it, you can't hold me back. I will admit it was worth it, it made me a better person, and even standing alone, I am a strong wonderful person that has a great life.  

I also have to admit and accept that even with a degree in planning, can not plan my life, no matter how hard I try and want to figure out how each turn down different paths will take me,I can't. It is a waste of time, time I could spend in the PRESENT, not in the past dwelling on how I got to were I am , or in the future, trying to figure out the "best" option for me. 

Sometimes the best option is not going to be what my mind or heart want, but you know what, it will happen how its suppose to, and I need to give up on planning my life, and just enjoy it, and just plan cities and buildings, lol. (now only if I could listen to myself for more than a few moments)

clean room, new shoes, and a wave of relief

Happy May Day! 

Today was a much need therapy day I think... 

Started with last night, I had a pretty good friend that is an art major and a surfer, Jackie Swider, paint me an amazing personalized painting of a wave forming a barrel and pismo beach in the background, this is a picture of it, but it doesn't do the detail of colors justice, it is blended more smoothly then it looks in this picture... absolutely amazing, and somewhat of a calming piece of art that I think will do me a lot of good relaxing and relief in the years to come....

Class went well, I somewhat understand the demands of water from soil... sorta.... worked on senior project, which will take many more pain-staking hours in the weeks to come, but is moving along one step at a time, which I suppose is all you can ask for truly. 

I felt wonderful piece of artwork addition for my room deserved a warm clean welcoming,(as well as the fact that I finally feel well enough to do anything more than sleep and make it to class) and cleaned organized my room...

For once it feels like a real room that functions and has places for everything... almost... to bad I will be moving out in little over a month and a half... finally got the closet to work as a room... pity, but I suppose now I know I can pretty much live in any space and make it work and function and be cozy and mine. 

Off to shopping I went in the drizzling rain, I needed a little retail therapy and was on a hunt for a brightly colored pair of sexy heels, much to my dismay, there are 3 pairs of colored heels in all of downtown San Luis Obispo. Shocking only because there was enough places to look I figured each might have a yellow, green, red, or blue pair somewhere... disappointing, but it was nice to get out of my house and enjoy wandering downtown with Megan. I think it was really good for me to be out of my bed, and away from the stresses of work and school and away from worrying about the interview I went to 4 weeks ago, that I will have to wait at least another week to hear from...

I have been really good at being patient and am trying hard to not freak out about it, but I am a planner, and I have no idea what part of the state I will be headed to in 7 weeks... maybe there is a reason I don't know yet, and I need to realize it is ok, most people are heading home and living off the parentals once they graduate, which considering the economic status of the world, is not really shocking or unacceptable... but not ever part of my game plan. ( I spend a lot of time worrying about this, although I can be very glad my options are both beautiful places along the ocean, something I have realized I grew attach to, and that I really am a California girl at heart)

Anyhow, ended up shopping online for shoes, and after much debate, order, canceling orders, and shopping some more... this is what is on its way to my house....

   Ended the day with diner at a good friends house with about 10 of us girls, and it makes you step back and realize that there are amazing people you meet in college and one day, very soon, things are going to change, and we are all going to go off and do amazing things in the world, in very different places, and touch a lot of lives, and we will never all live in the same town, or hang out very often if ever. But for this brief point in time, sitting around a coffee table with a glass of wine playing apples to apples, is exactly the moment I need to live in... the next 6 weeks are going to be tough with school and getting healthy and figuring out the next part of life... but in-between all that I am going to run around, live in the moment, love my friends and savor every last bite of the amazing energy that comes off of my friends. As a wise fortune cookie I got this summer said "Stop searching, happiness is right next to you" 

very very cute dresses....

wonder what it would be to ship to California.....

www.motelrocks.com

also, i want to go shoe shopping...i think a good sexy pair of shoes could do me well....

 and have decided I need a good closet next time I move and it would fix a lot of my problems... sometimes I just want to be a little kid and play dress-up, that is hard to do with a closet the size of a pea and a room like a pea pod.... 

why haven't i had a blog for college

Of all the times to not keep an account of my life, why did I choose college, of all times, I should have recorded everything going on, the ups and downs, the excitement, the meeting of the best people to enter my life. The accounts of anger and joy.... oh well I suppose, from here on out, we will be speaking of what is happening... 

 

First thoughts of the day... "Wow I slept through the whole night, god it really is already 5:30, at least I don't have to wake up til 7:30 tomorrow morning, He really wanted someone close by, and found it, time to try and forget that and enjoy my day and realize all the love around me." 

Jealous - its not a word I use often, and for the most part I am not a jealous person, I have what I have because I earn it, yes I wish life was easier, doesn't everyone wish things were handed to them, but that makes me a better more understanding person of this world. But when it comes to relationships I get jealous of others that have ones that work so well, and I get jealous of how others can somehow just seperate themselves from someone they cared so much about, and I am jealous that I have yet to be in a solid relationship for any substantial amount of time. But I do know that this is the time in our lives that if you do date anyone for any length of time, it is something more serious usually. 

I don't know if I am just letting societies pressure get to me, the mass amount of change of last names on facebook of people I went to high school with, or the number of children people my age have. Is it that? or am I just impatient. Are what I see as "flaws" of attachment and  trust flaws, or will they truely pay off in the end. Is being nice to ex's and wishing them the best, when really you want them to realize you were the better one, and they messed up, and that you are worthe it the right thing to do. Or do you just tell them you hate the idea of them dating someone else.... 

ugh, maybe ralph waldo emerson was right, and I just need to go meet God out in nature and then be self reliant and I will be eternally happy... haha. 

Why am I such an optimist....

ugh sickness...

So went to the dr again on monday, finally got to see the dr i saw for pneumonia in february, and found out that there is still some left in me.... 3 months of being sick is enough, I want to be healthy before much longer, I am graduating in a month and a few weeks... and I want to enjoy the time I have out and about with people I might not ever live near again. I am trying to take as best care as I can without missing class and work... involves a lot of sleep and making sure I eat healthy.

On other notes found out the recent Ex is now seeing someone, I know I take longer to get over people then they tend to to get over me... but at the same time I can't help but feel like my life is on repeat... I am so glad though that my future as far as work in the following months, is not in my hands, at this point, I don't know what I want, or where I should be going, and simply have figured out what I will do based on what I am delt.... 

Need to start working on a formal outfit.... maybe some new shoes? I need another pair of shoes, haha, seriously though, I need something fun, that makes me feel amazing, shoes have that ability when nothing else or no one else can.... 

On a side note, my literature class is forcing me to read a lot of old "modern" literature, one of which is Benjamin Franklin. In reading his work I have found a somewhat settling thought in the fact that I am not the only crazy systematic thinker out there that is trying to better society from making myself a better person. Although Franklin is highly quotable, his writing it text and full summary takes on another full meaning. 

Also for the first time someone has inspired me to really actually consider checking out another "religious" view. I have definitely distanced myself from the religion I was brought up in, I agree with some, and disagree with others.... which I am sure is a battle of all people religious or not. However Franklin speaks about this type of battle that reaches out to me in one way or another. Once I have enough energy and time to look into such things, it will probably be on my blog.

love this

I also... absolutely love this dress... need to figure out how to replicate it on a smaller budget...

amazing earrings

So a lost friend of mine  back up with these wonderful and affordable earrings, i love them... getting a few pairs, but ever couple days she has new designed up, makes me want to get more!

http://beatnikzbizaar.wordpress.com

                                                        On a side note, i can not wait to get to a larger more diverse (in population, and personality) with thrift stores that haven't been run over one to many times, and have treasures to be found. I always think i just have no luck here, but then I go elsewhere and find so many things it's insane... 

School is finally starting to feel managable, its about time, it is week 4 after all... 6 weeks and I should have a degree.... 6 freakin' weeks, and a job... holy moly..... 

off to senior project

hello

Hello and welcome, 

    I haven't blogged in a few years, and I suppose it is becoming "trendy" to blog now. I am interested to have a "homepage" because I want to be able to watch other blogs, as well as the fact that I am at a pivotal place in life, getting ready to start a career path, which we will see if that takes me north or south, and what adventures that lay ahead of me. 

  That is all for now, as I am sure over the days and weeks that are ahead I will begin to form and shape this blog to become a very accurate representation of me, without hardly trying. 

   Cheers for now, 

       me