Its a new week... and I'm gonna be happy

Alright! Good Morning

So new week, new clothes, new blog entry, new optomism.

I'm trying to merg this lack of high professionalism look of humboldt county profressionalisms (heals are just out of the question truely, and bright bold colors are sunglass worthe in this earthy tone runned town.) It makes for a challenge and some entertainment, it is very different culturally up here. and it is fun to try and "fit" but "not" and be me but not stick out like I belong in Miami for example. And to be professional. So here we are, my nearly entirely thrift store put together outfit.

I was in a rush to get a snapshot of it for you that the whole picture isn't necessarily flattering, but you get the gist

Skirt - old navy via thrift store, it is actually a bit longer and more pencil shaped then it appears

Tank - Basic blue tank

Black sweater- haha, again old navy (apparently I like their classic pieces)

Flats - Kelly Dumas via Burlington Coat Factory

Silver Bangle - I think Kohls maybe

Necklace - gift from my younger sister

Also the other "excitting" news for the morning is this lovely small very full box sitting on "my desk" (i still dont actually have my own desk)

Hooray for me, a small accomplishment

flustrated

Its a word I apparently made up... flustrated. A combination of flustered and frustrated. But when I use it, it is always an inappropriate time to correct me on my verbage, lol.

I am at work, and I have done my work, and have passed it along for review and approval, and yes I know that I am new and adding to the work load (a tiny bit may I add) and I do not get back what I put in. I simply do not know what to do in this working world that is so upside down and backwards from the rest of the world.

I do good work, they are happy with it, but do they do anything with that good work. Not that I have seen. I have made minimal changes to marketing work over the past two weeks, with little to no progress made it actually utilizing it.

I understand there are other projects, currently bringing in money and that they are a priority and need to have attention spent on them where it is due. However, if you hire me on to do something new, you have to give it some time of the day, and not after weeks and weeks of nods of approval and oks. I am a new hire, new to the working world. Yes I am self motivated, but I need reassurance and support. If I wanted a job that relied on not working with anyone else or not needing support from anyone, well I wouldn't be doing this, thats for sure.

This is really the first time I am so upset about the situation that I almost want to just leave and say, when I have some work to do, call me and I'll come back. I am simply waitting on others. And have been for nearly a week. The only thing that keeps me here, wondering about teh computer is the fact that there are bills to pay and I have to be here in order to get paid to pay those bills, and he agreed to pay me. So I stay... Id rather be productive. I guess its motivation to find another job, a job that has a lot for me to do. Yet I wonder, is it like this everywhere...

there are nice people, its a beautiful place, but I am not "doing" anything, I know it might take a while to get a project I really want to do, but until then, what do you do?

Enough for now, at least this weekend shall provide some entertainment. I will be partaking in a beer festival HOPS for Humboldt on Saturday and then Sunday am volunteering (pouring beer and wine, got to love volunteering) at an organic planet festival that should be fun, providing the sun decides to show up and its not all foggy... so til the weekend...

I just don't want to waste any time in my life not making a difference and doing things... I am just taking up space and using things if I do not give back... and gosh darn it, for some reason I am not one of those people that can be happy that way.

work, north coast, a brew, a few good friends

I have come to realize that I am happy. I may not be living a crazy "post college" life, but I am content. I have goals and dreams and know that I just have to stay focused to reach those things, but that I can do it, and even though I am on "rock ground" with work and life... i am starting to realize many people are, especially right now. And that as long as I keep chugging along right now, I will be just fine.
In other news, I am moved in.. its a little odd of a living situation, but it is working out well for me, which is all that matters. It is like living at home, but not, and being cozy and comfy and relaxed when I am there. I will have to take pictures... I am going to fix my computer after the next paycheck... beginning of September mac book should be back in full swing! so excited, it will be nice to just do my "surfing" of randomness again, laying in my bed, or just around the couch, with my cup of coffee from the espresso machine that sits on the kitchen counter.

I am starting to settle with the idea of not knowing being ok... which is a pretty big accomplishment for the "planner" that I am. It is kinda refreshing actually, because I simply am enjoying the moments for the moments that they are, and not having to worry about much more, I have more appreciation for small things and I love it. Or maybe that is the north coast culture settling in.

College is back in session, students are in town, something interesting to me, since its a college town, i feel I fit right in, but then its not my college town, and I am not a college student anymore (well I am a part time student at the Community College, but that doesn't count) but its fun, and nice and relaxing...

life is good, its not great, i am not making millions or changing the world just yet, but I am on my way somewhere and its going to be a great ride, and I will always love this part of the world/state. there is beauty all around.

Just a quick picture

Not much time to talk today, but my mom finally sent me this picture of me and a t-shirt quilt I made for a friend out of her shirts from college.

people are baffling, and a pain

Sometimes I think I am just the crazy one. I simply want to be a good person, go about my day, pay my bills, do my job, and maybe take a few minutes for myself. Is that really that hard to ask for and deserve.
I have now talked to Wells Fargo every morning this week b/c I deposited a check I later found out had a stop payment on.... and I have woken up to a large negative balance ever day this week due to it. Yet thankfulyl Wells Fargo customer service is polite and very helpful in the morning.... but still, people this is ridiculous, if you owe me money you can't stop payment on a $600 check.... I know have to reverse overdraft fees and still maintain my bank account and credit... and its not my fault at all, the money is rightfully mine, but I can't get at it, and its costing me my sanity.
Other then that, life is getting better, 1 more move and I will be settled in "my room" and "home" up here, 3 weeks... can not wait, it can not come soon enough.
Starting to train for a 1/2 marathon, and doing bikram yoga on a regular basis, and try and calm myself down more, since apparently I over react and take things (like the above mentioned check) too personally (excuse me, its 600 dollars you have that belongs to me, I am going to take that personally).

Also as you move through life, you lose friends, find new ones, and learn its part of life, and some people are not going to be able to keep in contact. Some people will grow with you, and you will stay friends, and its hard to say you can't do it anymore with some that just seem to go down a different path and you don't see eye to eye with anymore... its tough, especially when once upon a time they were the only one that was 100% on the same thought process as you, and now seems 180 degrees opposite... I guess thats all you can do, huh?

No worries. I got back to all my clothes finally today, its amazing how exciting it is after 3 weeks of living out of one suitcase to be able to expand to 3, lol, and soon I will be able to hang things up, unpack, live normally... can't wait.... and i'll finally take pictures of the shoes and such.... and post them, just have to get my life back together a bit and things will become normal again

Trust your gut, say thank you, and smile

So, the sun is shining, its a beautiful day, and I have the self confidence and trust in myself that I am capable of making decisions best when I throw myself at something, a project, a relationship, anything really..... I will always try and plan for the best, the worst, and any path that might break off of those, that is me and my personality.... to over plan.

- I am so thankful for the people I am surrounded by, even through my phone, so thankful. I have friends that let me go, trusting me to fall on my face and will be there to pick me up if things don't' work out, but that will be there to support me no matter what. I have this wonderful wonderful family around me that I have developed without me even knowing what was going on at the time.
I guess that is one of the side benefits of college and being involved with organizations, you build your "chosen" family out of it, even if i didn't pick them when I first met them (most of them I didn't right off the bat) they picked me, we picked each other to support, even when our lives are crazy and hectic, I am blessed to have people that will drop everything to help me, a party night out, a date, homework, to support me... Amazing...

You sometimes overlook some of the best friends you have out there. Some you know, you hang out with them all the time, are constently in touch with them. Others you realize in the most subtle, desparete, and negative moments of your life, they are the random ones that pick you up and carry you when you never expect it.
They sit by and let you break down, holding you tight, letting you know that it will all be ok,, that you can be weak and they can relate, that its ok not to be happy and show it.
These are the ones you hope you realize are the best friends you could never ask for, before they slip away. They pick you up when you're downand carry you when you are weak... and when you realize the value between the two of you, you can build off of that and recongize how wonderful people can be.

On another note, I have been trying to work on different aspects of myself and truly making a difference in the lives of people I encounter, weather it is my family, friends, co-worker or someone I pass on the street, or the checker at the store. I am making this attempt to try and connect and make their day better, even if it is simply by smiling at them, saying hello, asking them sincerely how their day is going, it is really amazing how much people appreciate someone trying to actually acknowledge them, rather then just gain something from them. Our world has become this system of encountering so many people a day, but not really truly connecting with them.

I also am working on saying thank you, sincerely, to people that have made me a better person, writing thank you letters to teachers that took time to help me, influence me to think bigger, more critically, and open my eyes to topics and interests I would otherwise surpass. Little acts of kindness.... they go a long way, and they give me a feel good feeling inside. It is a free, simple, easy, quick thing that I wish more people could incorporate into their lives, the world wouldn't feel so cold.

In other news, I apparently forgot my fleece, its a staple "fashion" item of the North Coast, what was I thinking, lol... got to get on that

Running is going well, I feel better, more toned and I do everything better when I work out... go figure, I work better, sleep better, and am more calm and relaxed with life in general. Maybe its the fresh air up here, who knows. I am looking into the Bikram yoga center up here, so glad they have one, maybe alternating with that and running, would be good for me in so many ways.

And I think I have figured out my living situation, it is going to take a little bit of jumping around for the next month, but its affordable and the time table says that it should work out pretty well. and it is another living example of "its who you know, not what you know". I am going to stay at a friends house that is out of the country right now, move her furniture and stuff in and then will be able to move into the "permanent" living situation here in Arcata a few days before she returns from South America. I need to work out a good thank you for Tami, my co-working for letting me stay at her place while I figure this all out and so that I could start working. And a thank you for Cheryl, the office manager, for finding me the cheap furnished, no deposit room from a friend, and to Bob for asking if anyone could let me stay at their place, and Carly for letting me living in her room she hasn't even seen yet b/c she is abroad. such kinda and wonderful people around me.... "every little thing is going to be alright"

Have a wonderful day, and Smile, its good for you!

Settled, kind of...

So I have finally made it to Arcata, finally decided on at least a "temp" job. Now I just need to find a place to actually live so that all my stuff can make it out of my car. I luckly have a very sweet co-worker that is allowing me to stay at her house until I find a place (meaning I can avoid crashing at the ex's house). Hopefully monday will be promising with a place very near work.

Work is off to a good start, Im already writting up a grant (need to finish it in a week or so, haha, no big deal right?!) to try and find funding for a sustainability plan (aka- work for me). It is excitting to be trying to help develop a division of a company, its hard when they do work with cities and those cities have no money... makes for an interesting company prediciment.

I miss people.... I am doing fine as far as work and stability in my life, however it is slowly kicking in, as I am sure that this weekend will key in on, that I am not right around the corner from about 300 people that I know... give or take a few ; ) and that I am going to have to figure out this, find and make friends thing. I am working towards other job options if this one only lasts the 3 months, but also realizing I need to work my little butt off (ok not so little) to try and insure that I can stay here and still have work and income if I can't find work elsewhere... and count my blessings that I am working a full time job for the time being using the degree I earned.

ps- wearing one pair of the new shoes today.... pictures to come, I had a rough week a bit ago and the laptop screen shattered, so we are back to no pictures for awhile... oh well. life goes on and its a good thing I sit in front of a computer 40 hours a week now.