A burning desire of Wanderlust

I am fully aware that whenever you get back from any trip it is always hard to come back to "reality". I definitely feel this way when I have been down south visiting family, friends, or basically doing something surrounded by people I know and enjoy just being around. I always go through a sorta "funk" of being here but desiring to be elsewhere, sooner, rather than later.

Now I can say I am suppose to be here, in Humboldt, or at least that I was suppose to be here for awhile. I did need it, life has a way of dishing you what you need at the right times, reality checks, comfort, challenges, celebrations. However, my desire to travel and get away and clear my mind for awhile, a significant while is growing stronger and stronger.

Part of me thinks I was suppose to come to Humboldt to slow down, reflect, realize life is not a race, and adjust to the post college world in a healthy reflective way. Or something like that. Anyhow... I have really have debated, and continue to debate what it is I want to do A.H. (After Humobldt). I know that this is normal after college, that everyone does this, and continues to do this throughout life, but if you aren't happy with what you are doing, I do think you should find the way out and on the path to whatever it is you want to do. ( This does not mean an immediate way out, but at least seeing it, the door, in the future, and knowing that it does exisit... its there... even, as for me, if that means May 2011)

I have recently found a very strong "burning" desire to go to Burning Man next year. I don't know exactly what I want to go to find, but I think it is going to be on the agenda next year, not for the party, although I will enjoy that too, but to go and grow, reflect, think, explore myself and maybe figure out more of a direction in life, to talk to people, find out their stories and maybe figure out what it is I am suppose to find. I sorta feel like this should also possibly be the starting point for traveling off to somewhere greater....

Simultaneously with this plan I have some how come to the conclusion that I want to travel South, to Centralor South America, I don't want to go to materially rich countries or places. I want to go to places that allow you to focus on the person, people, place, without getting distracted by all the great human achievements that are "showy" I want to find the beauty in simplicity, and the love and warmth that can come from the basics.

Yes I love shoes, architectural master pieces, and shopping. I love planning, developing things to better the world around us, but I do not know how I am suppose to use this in the world yet. Basically I think I am really at a point in life that I think I need more personal understanding, or confidence and a goal and passion of what I want to accomplish before I can enjoy and treasure things like this. I know America is a blessed country, a land of opportunity. I want to fully fully appreciate it more than I do know, and determine the excess, unnecessary in my life, what I can just live without, and what I need out of life to be happy later, but in the moment as well.

Does this make sense to anyone else?

Sometimes I think I am talking "Humboldt" or even just looking for the easy escape out, but then I truly think about why I want this, and why now, and it just does not seem to need as much of an answer, nor am I able to explain a why truly. I know many people that are living "transient" live styles, not truly living hitch hiking around, but definitely not completely settling in one place yet, still exploring, discovering, and learning about the world and themselves. It is not irresponsible, and I am coming to terms with the fact that I can be like that if I want, I just have to realize it is not irresponsible, it is something I need and want to do, and that is ok... it does not need to be a "vacation" or there does not need to be a reason to every trip, I can just go for personal development and escape. (although I feel maybe that is the definition of a vacation, I see vacation as going to Hawaii or Aspen with cocktails, services all around... I am thinking more along the lines of helping at a home farm during the day, getting some local beer or drinks, sitting on an empty beach watching the sun set with the people I am helping and some travel companion, possibly with people that are on their own journay as well, enjoy the presence of one another, sharing stories and insight, laughing at things, that truly are funny, without words... or something like, wow, sorry  BIG tangent there)

Just because I have a degree in something, doesn't mean that is what I have to do, even though one would think that was the point of obtaining the degree. I do think it has given me insight into community development, growth, change, and understanding of the system, and I will find something more focused to which it will provide the base to keep learning.

I do want to have a way to document and reflect on this trip, not something huge or something that truly matters, but something to collect, look for, write about, photograph, or draw/make from this traveling. Right now its pretty much all been in my head, shared with a few friends, and now here... baby steps, baby steps.