Hi, I know, it has been a whole week, I didn't post while in SF, I didn't even really have much internet connection at all actually.. and I loved it. I love not missing it, I love having to walk down to the coffee shop to get a beer or coffee to use the internet.. ok, maybe if I lived there I wouldn't, but that city relaxes me, I enjoy figuring out public transit, I get gitty when it works, I love to walk around through the different districts, and I love how I fit in, not because I look like I belong in the crowd, but b/c well anyone and everyone almost looks like they are in the crowd there. It is San Francisco.
I had a wonderful time at the conference, many inspiring movers and shakers, many great topics. Lots of connections to be made, and a few familiar faces in the crowd as well. Hope and glimmer of things actually getting better, jobs in the future, confirmation that I am on the right path and I am doing the right things where I am at (whether it is just a nice gesture, or the truth, is yet to be seen). Got to spend time with good friends, new friends, and no one at all,can you tell... I am in love...
with a freakin' City of over 750,000 people.. *sigh. oh San Francisco....
Now I am back in Arcata... the place is beautiful.. but its Rural... it Rural and isolated (not the same) and I am yearning to get to an Urban core hub, experience and live all these things I learned about it school.
I had a girl stop me this weekend while I was just browsing in a store and ask if I was from SF, I replied I "I wish" and she proceeded me to just do it, really, just go for it, find a job, any job, and get to the city, and then find another job to make it work, a better job, and just keep going...
I have to admit I am a bit stubborn, I want to believe I can do it, that it will work, I want to believe that I am a good person and good things happen to good people, and that it would all work out, but I also have someone gotten to this point where I don't think I can make it work, that I will get there and it will fail, I will fail, it won't work out, and I will spend my life waiting tables in a late night diner, and serving coffee to the crowd in the jobs I wanted and lost all my brain power and intelligence for...
That probably sounds ridiculous, but I am putting it out there, because that is the honest truth. I know people just jump into things they really want, when they want them that bad, but I know it would be better if I waited a little longer, I know that I would have a little bit more saved up, I know that I would have more debt paid down. But do I wait?? is 6 more months intolerable here? Do I just go for it so I stop bitching about how much I hate where I am, even though I am gaining good experience (up for debate, but on the resume it looks nice)??
I am in love with a City, will the City take care of me? Or will I get there and it change its mind, will I regret not staying here another few months... Do I hold out and celebrate big on my 25th birthday and make that the moving date to SF??
ok, time to breathe, I am going for a run... don't worry, I am only in this funk for a few days, and I am sure my Board meeting will bring me back to earth this evening... I hope.. its good at bringing me to earth and keeping the dreams wandering and alive, its going to be my only sanity for awhile.. bring on planning a conference, that will make me feel useful for sure.
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